Sleepy Bears

A Quickie

2012-01-27T23:47:00.003-07:00

Get your mind out of the gutter folks, this is a family blog. I just have a quick minute to write, because I need every spare second I have this weekend to write my talk for church this Sunday. However, I am finding it hard to focus, so I think clearing some brain space, by writing down a few things here, might be a good idea.
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My favorite thing about awards season is movie studios sending me free dvds in the mail, to try to sway my vote for their film in the SAG Awards. I guess if you factor in the fact that I pay SAG dues, then the dvds aren't really free, but they feel like it, so it's fun. This year I got dvds of The Help, Moneyball, The Descendants, The Artist, and Bridesmaids. I got a free ticket to see The Iron Lady at a theater and I got a link to see Jay Edgar, Warrior and My Week With Marilyn on-line. The problem is, I had to vote today and I received all of these things this week.
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Dear SAG, do you really think a mom has that much movie watching time on her hands and lets be honest... even if I did, there is no way River would let me wrestle Toy Story 3 out of the dvd player right now, so long story short... I managed to watch The Iron Lady, Bridesmaids and I had already seen The Help. Here's how my vote went down.
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The first vote was on Best Male Actor in a Leading Role. In this category was two people I didn't know (who probably deserved the award), Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Leonardo DiCaprio. If this was 1997, I might have had a freaking heart attack choosing between Tristan and Romeo... ughh... I mean Brad and Leo, but since Leo hasn't aged very well and the only two people I find more condescending then Brad right now are George Clooney and Matt Damon, my dilemma was decidedly different than what it would have been back then. I couldn't decide based on current performances, since I hadn't seen any of the movies, so in the end, I decided puffy genetics beats out irritating smugness and in a move I never thought I'd make, I voted against my favorite actor Brad Pitt.
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Now people, this does not put me in the same category as the people that vote on the President based on his hair cut, if he plays a musical instrument and whether or not his episode of Saturday Night Live was funny. It definitely doesn't put me in the category of people that vote based on if he is a he or a she, what church he/she attends and what color he/she is. That being said, I apologize to the two people in this category who I didn't know. I should have at least googled you to see if you looked puffy or smug.

Commitmentphobes

2012-01-23T23:19:00.002-07:00

I never thought I was. I either like something, or I don't and if I do... I like it a lot and rarely change my mind. In tune with myself, self assured, etc.. But then came the "where should we move" question, combined with the complication of it no longer being entirely my decision. For years we have poured over every nook and cranny of this decision and instead of things becoming more clear, they have become decidedly more confusing. Did you catch that... YEARS!

Salt Lake was supposed to be a get out of LA quick card. We were going to escape the traffic, pollution, lack of parking and over abundance of people by moving to Salt Lake and then quickly decide where we should go from there. That was September 2006.

Here's the problem(s) if you care to read. Maybe you will be better at figuring out a solution than we are.

*Acting... we love it and though it would be impossible to build a career in Salt Lake with the kind of roles that audition here, we do like that we still get to audition sometimes and have it in our lives. We're not sure if we are ready to write-off that part of our life yet.

*We hate the pollution here. I mean really hate it. We read an article about how it takes ten years off your life and is the equivalent to smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Not cool. We are not city people, but acting basically requires a city.

*We visited Kalispell, MT right before we moved here and we both love it. It is a charming town, surrounded by gorgeous views everywhere. The weather is amazing in the summer... 80's tops. The winter is snowy, but even though it is further North, it is a lower elevation and not quite as cold as Salt Lake. It actually has similar weather patterns to Seattle. We have friends there, but no family and since it is a smaller town, with a smaller airport.... traveling to see family would be very expensive and neither side would be in driving distance. Also, jobs are few, pay not great and housing is expensive. Plus, we'd practically be Canadian.

*Bear's mom and younger brother live in Casper, Wyoming. He would love to go there and has apparently always assumed he would go back to Wyoming. I worry about the lack of support system for me and the little man. Utah rocks with mom's groups and play dates. Lots of options in education. I wouldn't know for sure till I moved there, but the Wyomingites I know seem to keep to themselves and I die in isolation. Plus the wind is always blowing and this is a major catastrophe for someone with fine hair that tangles like crazy. I always feel unkept there, like I would never, ever have a good hair day. I know it sounds silly, but it is the little things that make or break us people... Cross my heart. Job pay low, houses cheaper than MT, but not cheap.

*Most of my family, minus my Mid-West yearning sister that is currently stuck in LA, live in Kansas City, MO. I like it because... well... it is awesome. Yes, the humidity frightens me a little and the fact they had record breaking temps last summer, send me running for MT, but you can't beat Mid West housing prices and the average salary is higher than the mountain west. Plus, the people are so nice. There are a lot of cute towns outside the city, with oak trees... let me repeat... Oak Trees! And since I haven't lived in driving distance from my family since May of 1996, I would love the chance to live by them for a little while. Bear hates the idea of chiggers and no mountains.

*Cache Valley... aka... My Happy Place. If we are staying in Utah, I would love to go back to Cache Valley. It is my size town and has plenty of more rural locations than Logan to choose from. Less jobs than Salt Lake, but pay seems to be about the same. My canyon in my backyard and my lake just up the street... okay... 50 minutes up the street, but still. I have friends there, but Bear doesn't and so he prefers to stay in Salt Lake if we are staying in UT.

*Salt Lake... we don't hate you, but we don't love you and you feel like a default. Like we can't decide, so we might as well stay here. I have a good network of Mom friends here, which truly is a lifeline when you have young children. We pretty much have a house that we kinda like, but in our price range that is probably as good as it gets. Bear wouldn't have to transfer his job and lose his seniority. We don't live by family, but Bear's family is an eight hour drive and the Salt Lake airport has decent prices for my family and we are already here.

So that's it. Writing it out didn't make it anymore clear. How we wish we had the kind of jobs that would say, we need you to move here and then we would make the best of it and start a new adventure, but trying to figure out the perfect place is going to be the death of us. Sorry for the rambling. I just needed to get it off my chest. The closer we get to buying this house, the more claustrophobic I feel. It is my freedom loving Sagittarius side kicking in and I have the Dixie Chick's song Ready to Run playing on repeat in my head.

January Thus Far

2012-01-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

Despite our nine zillion parties in December, I am having trouble believing that Christmas has come and gone. Without snow, it just doesn't feel real. I gave up waiting to see my Christmas lights sparkling off of gleaming white snow and got everything put away shortly after New Year's. I didn't want to be "those" neighbors. Not that anyone would notice on my culdesac in Sugar Hood... we have quite the assortment of trees shoved on porches and upside down in dumpsters (next to couches of course) and more than a few strands of lights half up and half down.
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I am getting a cold tonight. I don't really think it's fair. I have a ton going on right now and I'm already having trouble keeping up. I think I need to ask for a sickness exemption. I get scared whenever I do that, because what if I get something worse next time and I used up my exemption. However, I fully believe that the worst sickness imaginable is the one you have right now, so yeah... give me that exemption.
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River took his turning two very seriously and fully committed to the terrible twos. He howls and wails, gnashes teeth and I'm pretty sure he is going to have multiple head wounds from throwing himself back on to any and every surface with no regard to how it makes me feel watching him smash his head on concrete. He also is a big fan of time out. I say, "River! Do you want to go to time out?" and he says, "Uh huh!" and runs to his time out chair with a happy smile on his face. If this keeps up, I'm going to be the one smashing my head on concrete.
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Despite our daily battles, River always does at least one thing each day that I find incredibly charming. Today it was him putting on deodorant after he saw me do it. I tried to give it to him with the cap on, which he quickly removed and then rubbed white deodorant all over his belly. Then he had to repeat the process with daddy's deodorant. He looked so incredibly self assured and pleased with the outcome, I couldn't help but laugh. That is, until I tried to wipe off the flaky white mess all over his shirt and he threw his head back into the corner of the bathroom sink. Geesh!
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Also, if you ever have to do fertility testing and they tell you to come in for a day three ultra sound, they don't mean the nice easy ultra sound on your belly. Just thought I'd give you a heads up.

2011-12-31T01:08:00.002-07:00

Come On In...

2011-12-28T22:36:00.000-07:00

Let us share some snippets of our Christmas with you...

Multiple candy cane thefts from our tree... beware the suspect is still at large, with a disarming smile and minty fresh breath.

Christmas breakfast was waffles with strawberries and cream, but in a classic display of toddler excess, River's breakfast included dipping a succor into the cream.

New additions to the tree...

The cutest gift ever from River's Nursery leaders.

A limited edition River Bear tree topper.

Some old favorites...

This just in....

We have sufficient evidence that the Candy Cane Bandit has added vandalism in the form of tagging Christmas presents to his growing list of crime. In his defense, it does appear that he was trying to write the word Christmas in festive green marker.

We celebrated Christmas #1 on the 25th...

And then in true hobbit fashion, 2nd Christmas was delivered to our door on the 28th. Let it just go on record, I am all for late Christmas presents... it keeps the post holiday blues at bay.

The weather outside was unfortunately not snowy or white...

But inside, everything was merry and bright. The gifts from friends and family warmed our hearts, as reflecting on the endless gifts of the Savior warmed our souls. We love Christmas! Even if it involves a candy cane bandit and the occasional drooly candy cane vampire.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-24T22:18:00.001-07:00

Lights and More Lights

2011-12-23T23:46:00.001-07:00

River here- I just wanted to let you know how we've been filling our time this December. One of the words I like to say the most right now is lights... actually it is more like LIIIIIIIIGHTSSSSS! So my mom has been taking me all over the place to see as many as possible. Our first attempt was at Christmas In The Park in Kansas City. It didn't go so well. We waited in a 45 minute line just to get into the park and right when we finally made it to the gates and saw a few lights, we had to turn around, because we were going to miss a dinner appointment. I still had fun riding in the front seat. Mom's kind of a car seat nazi... I mean I am almost two and still rear facing... so it was a real treat.

Then we hit up The Kansas City Plaza. Now they know how to do lights... beautiful and easy access. I've never been to Europe, something about needing a passport, blah, blah, blah, but this part of Kansas City makes me feel the same way as pictures of London on foggy nights do. Yes, I look at pictures of London. I'm very sophisticated for my age.

My mom wouldn't let me hold the camera, so unfortunately you have to deal with unsightly street signs in the way, but isn't KC beautiful this time of year?

She is soooo getting snowballed for this.

When we made our way back to Salt Lake, we ventured out into Sugar Hood, uh... I mean House and found Christmas Street. The neighbors here have been decorating their houses every year since 1947. I bet the dinosaurs thought it was so cool.

Mom tried to get a photo of both of us and the sign. At least we got the most important part.

For all you Salt Lakers, Christmas Street is on 1700 S. and 1500 E. You should check it out, but only if you're not grinch'in.

After Christmas Street, we stopped by Bible Street... literally right down the road and saw the whole Christmas Story displayed throughout the neighborhood. I can't read, but the pictures sure were pretty. Jesus's mom had him naturally too, so our birth stories are kind of similar, but I was born in a hospital and they wouldn't let Noodle come to visit, so no animals. Shoot... that would have been so cool.

Last on our tour of lights was Temple Square. We actually had two attempts, because the first time Mom couldn't find parking, so we just had hot chocolate instead. I'm glad we tried again, because it was really something. My favorite was the reflections of light on this fountain. I tried to go for a swim, but mom was not budging on this one.

Come on Mom... Just a little dip?

We had fun and just in case you are the type to get in a huff about me not wearing a hat or gloves, just know I had to rip them off every five minutes when my mom kept trying to sneak them on. I checked with Santa and this does not get you kicked off the Good List. Tonight is Dad's last night of peak season, so maybe we can finally get him in some photos. Merry Christmas and I hope you liked the LIIIIGHTSSSS!!!!

One Thing At A Time

2011-12-22T22:25:00.000-07:00

Since Christmas is right around the corner, I thought I'd better hurry and post some pics of my 33rd Birthday.

December is a rough month for all our birthdays to be in. With Bear's UPS schedule in over-drive, it leaves very little time for us to spend together as a family. This year, we snuck in a quick birthday lunch to The Cracker Barrel and it was perfect. I don't need my birthdays to be big, but I get majorly bummed out if they are just like every other day and we don't do anything special. So this was super fun, because I was thinking we wouldn't have time to celebrate.

The bonus present was that River behaved magnificently. I don't remember an eating out experience that has been this relaxed in years... 2 years to be exact. Usually we take shifts eating, while one of us is running around the restaraunt with River trying to keep him entertained and contained... kinda like a rodeo clown.

I hope it is a sign of things to come, but it was probably just a birthday present to his Mama. Well I'll take it. I guess a good family photo wasn't on his list of things to give.

Nothing beats birthday cake, except FREE birthday cake. Makes it taste that much better, I promise!

Santa 2011

2011-12-20T23:44:00.000-07:00

So here is my sweet babe in 2010, meeting Santa for the first time...

Well obviously River must not have liked his presents last year, because Santa 2011 was in store for screaming with a side of tears...

I like to call this photo, "I Stood In Line For How Long And All I Got Was This Stupid Candy Cane".

How about one more for posterity...

I call this one, "No, Seriously Mom, This Sucks!"

Well, at least I had fun and that's what Christmas is all about, right?

Birthday Eve

2011-12-14T23:37:00.001-07:00

Last night I had a dream where in it I was sleeping and a giant clock was laying flat on top of me. It was a generic round black and white plastic clock, like the kind you see in every office and classroom in America. It had the loudest, most annoying tick, tick tick sound as it counted the seconds. The clock began pressing down on me and suffocating me, weighing so heavy on my chest I couldn't breathe. I awoke in a cold sweat, with the keen awareness I just had my first biological clock dream. How very grown up of me, or Ally McBeal of me... I'm not sure which.

Upon waking I had three thoughts: 1. My biological clock is boring. Can't I have an antique cuckoo clock instead. 2. Where's my dancing baby? 3. Hey back off biological clock... I'm trying pretty hard here!

I had my heart set on a positive pregnancy test for my birthday. Mercifully, I found out today, instead of tomorrow, that it was not meant to be. That way I have time to get over my funk. Who wants a negative pregnancy test for their birthday? No one! Can we say refund... or better yet... exchange! I think my body must have known it wasn't pregnant. Why else would it have sent my subconscious a biological clock dream? Anyway, it was a long day, that started off with a rough night. I've never been able to sleep that well with noisy clocks in the room. Tomorrow will be better. 33 Here I Come!

Stocking Stuffer!!!

2011-11-29T21:40:00.000-07:00

Do DVDs fit in stockings? I sure hope so, because Bear's movie just came out on DVD. It's called Seven Days In Utopia and stars my cute husband Robert Bear... oh and Lucas Black and Robert Duvall as well. It is lovely, of good report and praiseworthy. You should seek after it. I'd start with Wal-Mart or Netflix, but that's just me.

What In The...

2011-11-23T23:47:00.001-07:00

H.E. DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS is going on in here?

River's response was to shake his head back and forth and say, "Ch, ch, ch, ch, ch". Which is what he does when we do laundry. He's mimicking the motion and sound of the agitator. In his defense, I did ask him to help me with the "laundry". I meant for him to run the folded blankets to his room, while I sorted the rest of the clothes, but maybe he thought I meant "wash" them. On the other hand, he knows exactly where we do laundry. It's his favorite activity, so I highly doubt he got confused. Regardless, my parenting skills failed me and I mostly just laughed and then he got to do laundry after all. I'm just glad he didn't flush.

The Score Card

2011-11-18T00:20:00.001-07:00

Still not pregnant. Oh, and I wasn't pregnant last month either. Funny how that works. In fact, if you want to run the numbers on round two, here you go: Months of Trying-10, Babies-0, Nausea-Increasing, Hair-Falling Out, Clomid Cycles Left Before a Mandatory Break-1, Number of Pregnant Friends Due In The Spring-7, Average Number of Months it Took Them To Get Pregnant-2.

It's funny how each month my reactions to finding out I'm not pregnant vary so widely. Last month I was sad, soooo sad. Deep down, aching sad and worried about River not having a sibling and missing my babies that I feel like I already know sad, sad, sad. This month I'm just annoyed. Like, for reals, there's not a better way than sperm blindly fighting their way through thick cervical mucus, to find an egg that may or may not be there, according to a balance of hormones so easily affected by so many different things, all in a 24-48 hour window, once a month. I mean how, HOW are any of us here right now?

Don't worry. I'm still mostly positive and glad the score card reads Months of Trying and not Years of Trying. I just had so many people tell me that they had a hard time getting pregnant the first time around and then it was so easy after that. I bought into it hook, line and sinker. Why would I be any different? Especially since the problem from last time resolved itself. Since this is my last cycle of clomid, I might have to pull out all the stops and read the Twilight series again. It worked last time, so why not? Anybody have some books I can borrow? I may (most likely not) name the baby after you.

Hey Shorty

2011-11-16T00:03:00.000-07:00

Since my last couple posts were really long, I thought I'd make this one a shorty. In fact, it is more of an addition to the two other really long posts, so maybe it is not a post at all.

This is one of River's quirks I forgot to list. Everyday, for no explicable reason, he pulls out all three Hunger Games books. It doesn't matter if I separate them and hide them on different shelves, or in different rooms, he finds all three and pulls them out. Once they are on the floor, he is done with them. It's only these three. He doesn't touch my other books. Weird. Before they cast Katniss, I used to think it was a sign I was supposed to be in the movie. Well... there is always the sequel.

One of my photos in my ginormous Halloween posts didn't load and River's pumpkin was too cute not to share. We went to the library's story time and they had the kids decorate pumpkins... FOR FREE! Sorry about the caps. I like free stuff. Before you start feeling bad that your 22 month old can't decorate a pumpkin with such style and grace, please note, River mostly supervised the placing of objects and I was the one with glue all over my fingers.

Big Fat Halloween Post

2011-11-03T00:36:00.003-06:00

This post is entirely too long, but what is Halloween without a little over-indulgence? October has been a beautiful month in Salt Lake, so warm on some days, I cursed my landlord for covering up our swamp cooler. We did as many fun, harvesty things as we could fit in. We watched the old Silly Symphonies shorts on Youtube, with the dancing skeletons and I finally found a copy of Disney's Legend Of Sleepy Hollow, thanks to my brother in-law who mentioned they had released it as a double feature called Ichabod and Mr. Toad... in case you are trying to find one too.

We went to Gardner Village again this year. I love the ambiance, but honestly, it was more fun when River was little. Kids his age are stuck in their strollers without much to do. Last year he was fine with people watching, but this year he wanted to run and explore and it was way too crowded. Even in this picture, there were seven people waiting to take pictures in this same spot, so I had to get him down and he was so frustrated, because he wanted to climb.

If you ask River to smile, you get this face.

But if you ask him to make a funny face, you get this...

Big eyes, no smile, No eyes, big smile.... watcha going to do?

We also trekked down to Provo for a Halloween River Cruise. I had a groupon for my ticket and River was under two, so he was free. I'm glad it was cheap, because I was not all that impressed. It was pretty much floating down a river in the freezing cold, looking at Jack-O-Lanterns aglow on the bank, but you were too far away to really appreciate any craftsmanship. Our pirate captain wasn't very piratey and when we got boarded by another pirate (who rowed up in a canoe) he told Laffy Taffy style pirate jokes and handed out off-brand tootsie rolls. River was so cold, he buried his head in my chest and never looked up once.

Disclaimer: I had a hat and gloves for him, but he wouldn't wear them.

All was not lost, because he had a blast running around with his friend Hutch, while we waited in line. I am grateful for groupons, because I get to hear about things not on my radar and try them out, without spending too much money. BTW... we sang the ABC song all the way back to Salt Lake... all the way... I'm not kidding... I lost my voice. The things we do for these little guys.

My ward didn't do a Trunk Or Treat this year, so we went to my old ward's and it was super fun. It was a good trick or treat prep for River, getting him to go car to car was a snap and so he wasn't too shy about going house to house on Halloween.

There were a ton of kids in that ward all born around the same time as River and we've been able to stay in touch with them through different activities. It was so cute to see them all in costume, even if this photo was not going to happen. They were not all on board... Get It?

River even managed to find a slide.

Everyone thought he was a puppy and I was mouse. That's what I get for not buying the more expensive dark brown bear costume.

I love the end of that video. Anyway, he was in super good spirits, so the day was really fun.

Halloween was about as perfect weather wise as it gets. River instinctively knew it was Halloween and signed candy all day long. He usually gets one M&M a day, but that was not cutting it anymore. I think the trunk or treat ruined him for life and then we reinforced the bad behavior by taking him trick or treating that night. He was a little shy talking to strangers, but not at all shy reaching for the candy bowl.

Here's our first timer (since last year we went out and not another living soul was out because it was a Sunday)...

After Trick or Treating, we went to a ward member's house that was throwing a backyard party. It was the perfect way to end the night. Hot apple cider, freshly made donuts, more candy and to River's delight... a slide.

We went as the three bears and my friend Selissa at Forever And A Day, saved my weak costume planning self by sending us adorable crotchet bear hats.

Hopefully by next Halloween we won't just be the three Bears anymore, so we had to take advantage. If I were to do it again, I'd lose the black nose. It didn't make us look more like bears and with a thumb-sucker, it just gets all over his face.

I love a good costume theme and these were my favorite from this year...

The Basketball Family

The Organic Hippie Farmers with their delish and oh so cute produce.

and

The Cheshire Cat and The Mad Hatter

I'm still amazed a toddler wore that hat all night. I hope this post didn't give you a tummy ache. Happy Halloween... Love The Three Bears.

The Cats Meow

2011-11-01T23:26:00.002-06:00

I'm too tired to post all my Halloween pictures and videos, but I will leave you with a little preview which includes the sassiest meow since Conan O'Brian.

Until last week, I couldn't get a single animal sound out of River... ever. Then one night, he chased Noodle under the bed, leaned his head upside down to look under the bed skirt and started meowing. The rest is history. Well... family history anyway!

Isms

2011-10-24T23:54:00.000-06:00

My friend Becca told me that we're all born with OCD, but some of us outgrow it. Having a Toddler proves that to be true. Here are some Riverisms.

* He has to stand up, before I pull him out of his crib... or it will be WWIII.

* He prefers sitting in this bucket.

* He loves doing laundry and runs in our room, grabbing clean clothes off the shelf and takes them to the washing machine.
* He also starts shaking side to side when the agitator starts moving. He's done that since he was super tiny.
* He won't get out of the tub till every last drop of water is drained.

* He has to put a piece of toilet paper in while the toilet is flushing and if you manage to sneak in there by yourself and he hears the flush, you better have some ear plugs.
* When he does sit in a chair, he is a lounger and kicks one foot over the arm rest. I used to sit this way all the time as kid... it must be genetic.

* He won't ask you to do something, he just pretends to try and do it himself, while grunting for effect and looking at you like, "What's taking you so long to help?" This one is hard to explain and I'm still trying to catch it on video.
* He can spot every ball and every balloon and hear every plane flying overhead about 20 seconds before I hear or see them.
* He must hand me my shoes in the morning, before I put them on,or it is melt down city.

* He has a love/hate relationship with stickers and most sticker sessions end in tears of frustration.
* He has always separated things by color and will only carry around the blue balls from his ball pit, the blue crayon, the blue magnets from the fridge and his blue plaid shorts.
* The blue magnets are always either the V's or the W's and always a matching pair.

* He likes to let his food salivate for a minute. I call it juicing.
* He drinks out of the side of his mouth, just like his Dad, so he won't break eye contact when he needs to take a sip. (This picture isn't the best example, but it's close.)

* To the best of my knowledge, he's never been bitten by anything other than a mosquito, but this little man does not like spiders. Real ones, fake ones, cartoons ones, it doesn't matter. He gets the chills whenever he sees one.

* He's into wearing pants on his head. I don't know?

* He has to hold his bear to say his prayers.
* He always signs Daddy and says Mommy, but never the other way around.
* He also likes to hide my stuff (mostly my drivers license, credit cards, chap stick and tampons... but only the tampons in the blue wrappers... in his dad's work boots.

I'm sure these things will fade with time, but I don't want them to fade from my memory. I'm sure I've forgotten a dozen things, but bottom line, he is a character.

Q & A

2011-10-21T22:47:00.001-06:00

Q-Do you get sick of people buying bear stuff for you, because your last name is Bear?

A-Not when it is this dang cute!

Some past bear favorites...

Keep em coming... keep em coming.

Three Boys

2011-10-19T22:49:00.001-06:00

Have you ever noticed that moms with two boys almost always have a third boy if/when they get pregnant again. Well at least in my life anyway... Jen, Mary and Jodi. My husband is one of three boys and while that may seem intimidating to some, it does have its advantages. Take our last trip to Wyoming for example. All three brothers were able to visit at once. While the menu would have probably been better if there was a daughter somewhere in the mix (wait is that supposed to be me... FAIL) you usually wouldn't get three girls looking at their mom's deck and randomly deciding to tear it down and build her a new one. Right there. On the spot. No planning, or cost estimation, or even permission... Arlene was at work. But hey, who needs permission for a new anything. Word!

I didn't get a before picture, because without warning it was torn down, but this is River and Zander playing on the deck back in March.

Then it quickly became a big giant drop off from her kitchen patio door. The boys were really upset when they were no longer allowed to go outside. It is a good thing the brothers decided to build a new deck, because this one came down with one board removed and a tiny push. Safe... not so much.

Having lived in apartments for the last15 years of my life, home improvement projects aren't really in my vocabulary. I was a little surprised by how fast the new deck started coming together. I'm totally the "Don't we need a professional to do that?" person, but hopefully one day I will be reformed.

Nothing speeds up the process like chasing after a toddler and making sure he doesn't pull a superman off the side.

Oh no Mama... who put these bars back up?

River was great at setting the nails in the holes Bear pre-drilled. It held his attention forever.

Z getting in on the action... yes he color coordinates with all his tools. What, you don't?

When we left, it was almost done. Cody and Arlene just had to put on some side rails for the steps and then stain it. It is bigger and soooo much sturdier than the original. Not too shabby.

My personal favorite touch is the latching gate in front of the stairs. Hmmm... I wonder why?

Here is Arlene with her three boys and their three boys. Check the ruffles and lace at the door, because it's camo time in these parts.

Yep... all boys can be pretty great, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to change things up a bit. Can I get an amen!

Angel-Versary

2011-10-17T23:13:00.001-06:00

Once again the pictures on my camera are accumulating and I can't seem to keep up with the posts. One thing I didn't want to miss writing about was my friend Matt's Angel-Versary. On Sept 21st, we gathered at Utah Veteran's Memorial to honor him. These gatherings are always bittersweet. It is nice to be around people who share great memories and stories of the person you lost, but so heartbreaking to see the hole their absence has left in so many lives. I was grateful to be there. I am always enriched when I put my day to day life aside for a moment and remember the things that are truly important... family, friends, freedom, love, service, sacrifice, hope, faith and God.

When we got to the cemetery, all the grass had been dug up and the headstones were being moved. Bad timing, but thankfully they had stopped for the day right before Matt's headstone. River kept wanting to touch Matt's picture. Even now, kids still love him.

River picked orange balloons to release. We were launching a rainbow of colors to give Matt back a rainbow for all the rainbows he gives us. His family always gets a rainbow from heaven, no matter the time of year, on the days they need it most.

After some convincing, I finally got River to let go of his balloons.

When you gather to remember someone, you never know if you are going to laugh, or cry, or both. I thought I would be teary eyed, watching the balloons float away, but instead I was filled with a burst of joy and had a huge smile on my face. That's the way Matt prefers it, I'm sure.

River may, or may not be a little resentful about letting the balloons go.

Here's Matt's parents in the red. You know the country song that says, "Some Gave All". I used to think of the servicemen or women when I'd hear that song, but now I think of their parents, children, wives or husbands. To keep living each day, after you've given everything... they are heroes.

Hug your children tight, kiss your husband goodnight, have a long conversation with your mom and then even talk to your dad for a minute, pet your cat and consider your day well spent... now that's my kind of to do list.

Magic Dad

2011-10-10T22:41:00.002-06:00

This kid loves his Daddy. He loves me too, but he LUH HUVS his Dad. How could you not, when he is so funny?

P.S. I think laughing till you can't breathe is the best exercise in the world. They need less treadmills at gyms and more best friends that almost make you pee your pants.

Smarty Pants

2011-10-07T16:57:00.002-06:00

I was minding my own business yesterday morning, trying to check my emails before River got bored of his toys, when all of a sudden I heard him say, "Emmmm Emmmm Emmmm". "Huh?" I thought. "What word is he trying to say?" That's when he came around the couch and handed me a block with the letter M on it and said again, "Emmm". Holy Hannah! Shut The Front Door! Are those annoying alphabet shows we play while I try to cook dinner, actually teaching you something???
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Later that night, I put on the alphabet shows again. We watch Leap Frogs Amazing Alphabet and Signing Times ABC Video. Always before, he watched quietly with his thumb in his mouth, but not this time.

Pretty good, even if he's just parroting most of them. He went from never having said any names of letters, to saying all but the letter Z in one day. I don't know why he won't say Z. He's heard that letter more than any of the others, because he has a cousin named Zander that we call Z. Maybe he just runs out of steam by then.
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I admit.... I haven't been diligent in keeping up with what milestones a brand new 21 month old is supposed to make. From what I can tell, they mostly revolve around throwing temper tantrums and not wanting to share. Therefore, I can't be sure if River saying all his letters yesterday is early, right on track, or WHAT? your kids are already writing in cursive! Regardless, no astrophysicist, Pulitzer Prize winner, or President has ever impressed me more.
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P.S. My favorite part of the video is where he attempts to say W and then he tries to speed sign the abc's like Rachel does in the video.

A Few Things

2011-10-03T22:24:00.002-06:00

Coming across a Firefly marathon when you are already up too late is a dangerous thing, even if you own the series on dvd and can watch it whenever you want. There is just something about finding it on tv, kind of like hearing your favorite song on the radio. It's way better than just playing a cd.

I guess I am alone on the bra thing. Well my sister was in with me, but it can't just be us, or we'll just be the weird Fields girls, so it looks like I am stuck with a bra until I can get a boob job and then they will just stay nice and perky without pesky support.

I had a wave of nausea hit me like a ton of bricks at three this afternoon. Can you get morning sickness this soon? I hope so, because I don't want to just have the lame flu or something equally miserable. If I am going to suffer, I best be creating life. I didn't think the emotions of infertility would come back so fast this time around. After taking over two years to get pregnant the first time, I thought I would be more patient, but no, you don't go back to step one, you go right back to where you left off.

I so badly want to be one of those people who start feeling a little tired and then wonder to themselves, "Huh? When was my last period? I wonder if I'm pregnant." and then get to be surprised when they take the test. Instead I am armed with ovulation predictors, a calendar, supplements, thermometers and a host of interesting methods to debate about trying if this goes on too long and like I said, the worse part is the waiting...

I have two friends that got pregnant this month from invitro and while I hope I never have to go that route, I am jealous of how quickly they get to find out if it worked or not. Seriously, it was like a week and a half. I'm kind of torn, now that I let the cat out of the bag that we are trying again. You see, I also always wanted to be one of those people who hid their pregnancy as long as possible, to see how long it took for people to notice. My family all lives out of town, so how fun would it be to show up 32 weeks pregnant to some random vacation. Anyway, once I have people hoping and praying for me, I feel a little bad about letting them continue if I know I am pregnant. That's why I just blogged it an hour after I found out last time. We'll have to see what I decide this time, but if I am anywhere as sick as I was the first time around, I don't think it will take you too long to guess.

Wyoming was fun. It was good to get away. I usually have about a two month max of staying in one spot, before I need to travel and it had been four months since my last trip. Gasp! It was needed... a nice country detox. The only problem is, Wyoming did not get the memo that it is Fall. 90 degrees, October 1st in Wyoming, the devil you say! We got back yesterday and discovered Utah hasn't gotten the memo either, but I hear Wednesday should be nice. Whohoo! I'll post pictures of the trip soon.

Things To Do

2011-09-23T22:58:00.004-06:00

I have a million things to do tonight. Things that need to be done before I can go to bed and my bed is where I really want to be. I have a cold and fighting through brain fog, to accomplish my list has proved daunting. I thought if I unloaded some thoughts, maybe the fog could move a bit, allowing me to successfully check the necessary tasks at hand.

Thought one... I hate bras. They are uncomfortable. I have been wearing one for the past 15 years (late bloomer thank goodness) and I haven't got any more used to them. I am always delighted at the end of the day when I get to take it off and change into pj's. If I am ever up late and for whatever reason forget to shed my bra and realize it right before I go to bed, I am more than a little peeved. All that comfort time, gone to waste. I don't, however, want to be the only one with saggy boobs. *Correction "saggier boobs". Yes A cups can sag. Have a baby sometime. You'll see. Anyway, I was thinking, if we all stopped wearing bras, we'd all have saggy boobs and then no one would care. In fact, we might even start saying things like, "Oh gross. Did you see how high and firm her breasts were? How does she see around those puppies." Okay, if that didn't sell you, just think of all the money we'd save.

Thought two... Finding out you're not pregnant by starting your period, is the WORST! It's like all your hopes and dreams being dashed by bloodshed every month. I really hate the waiting, the build up, getting to day 28 and starting to get your hopes up, then... well you get the picture. They really need some kind of instant test. I really, really wanted a May baby and I had two shots. Oh well... now I really, really, really want a June baby, so fingers crossed, or heck, arms folded for us would be greatly appreciated. Oh and by the way, Yes we are trying again.

Thought three... Mentioning saggy boobs and periods in the same post, is not the best way to build my readership.

Thought four... Or is it???

For Sparta!

2011-09-19T22:51:00.005-06:00

Remember this photo?

Well, my little Spartan has returned.

Yes... those are his dad's boxers. He likes to dress himself now and can get a little feisty with me, if I try to help. At least it wasn't time to go to church, or anything.

Nine Eleven

2011-09-11T20:48:00.008-06:00

I hesitated writing anything about September 11th, because I thought, "What could I say, that hasn't been said." I changed my mind, because I worried if everyone thought that way, history would fade away.

I had slept in rather late the morning of September 11th. I had spent the night at my friend Brooke's house. She worked at a coffee shop and had left about 5:00am for work. I was in that midway point of consciousness and sleep, when I began dreaming of airport closures. I remember thinking it would take something pretty bad to shut down all the airports. I started waking up a little more and realized the workers painting Brooke's house (she rented a small room) were listening to a radio outside and the dj was reporting that all airports had been ordered to shut down.

Fully awake now, I sprung out of bed and ran to Brooke's tv to find out why. I couldn't get her temperamental tv to turn on and then I heard on the radio outside that the World Trade Centers had collapsed. I was more than freaking out and swearing at Brooke's tv, trying to find out what was going on. My little sister was attending NYU and her dorm was on the same block as the WTC. I had been to visit and I was picturing the collapse in my head as a gigantic building tipping over, not collapsing in. I was trying to figure out if they were tall enough to hit her building. Silly I know, but I hadn't seen the footage yet.

I still couldn't get the tv to work, so I called my mom. She answered, "Are you okay?" I said, "I don't know what's going on yet Mom. I can't get the tv to work. I know the WTCs fell down. Is Jess okay?" Never one to sugarcoat things, she said she was on the phone with Jessica, who had run to a different room in her building that faced the WTC to see what was going on, when the buildings started to collapse, she heard my sister scream and then the phone went dead. I told my mom, I was going to drive to New York (I was in SLC). She told me not to go. She said she didn't want to have two daughters there and she knew Jess would be taken care of. That's when I finally got the tv to turn on and immediately faced the image of the towers collapsing. This will always be one of the worst feelings in my life. Even having warning did not soften the blow.

I told my mom to call me as soon as she heard from Jessica. I never thought she was dead, but watching that huge plume of debris billowing through the streets and seeing people jumping out of the buildings, I was so worried about her. She seemed so young to me and she is a sensitive soul. I felt so protective of her. I thought, she is not a soldier. She should not be having to do this. I know it's pretty selfish, but until I had a bit of time to process, most of my thoughts were about her.

I called in to work and told them I couldn't come in until I heard from my sister. They understood. Thankfully, a little while later, I got a call from my sister. She had been in her pajamas when the buildings fell and not in her own room. They had to evacuate immediately. She had nothing with her, not even shoes, but in typical Jessica fashion was trying to make everyone feel better about it all. She said strangers handed her shoes. They were size 10 mens, but they helped while walking through all the debris. She said someone handed her a wet washcloth as well. She had gone to a friends dorm that was in a different part of the city and told me she was really, really okay. I didn't believe her and she joked that surviving a terrorist attack should qualify her for some cookies in the mail.

A week after the attack, school started back up. She had no books, no supplies, no clothes, no wallet, no id and a pair of size ten mens shoes. The dorm she was staying in was all of her guy friends and they let her borrow clothes. Did I mention she is only 5'2" and was swimming in everything.

I wasn't fully convinced she was okay until I was able to go out there in November. I needed to see her for myself. She was skinnier than I had ever seen her and said she had thrown up blood and black stuff for a little while after the attack... she assumed from the bad air. I wanted to go to Ground Zero, after all, it was so close to her dorm, but she really resisted going or wanting to talk about it at all. That's kind of her style. I was worried that she needed to share, because that's what I felt like doing, but decided to let it go. Now I think she probably didn't want to talk about it, because no matter what she said, I would never get what it was like to see and feel it in person.

We did go down to Ground Zero. Smoke was still billowing 2 months later and firefighters were working round the clock. I couldn't help but think of my prior visit to New York. I had wanted to go up the towers, but ran out of time and thought, "I'll do it next time." I had gotten down on the sidewalk and taken a picture straight up the side of one of the towers, but it was the last picture on the roll and it didn't turn out. I never thought I wouldn't get another chance at capturing it. It helped me a lot to go there and feel the Spirit at the site and see the heartbeat going strong in New York. I hope to go back and see the memorial one day.

That is my story, which is really her story. Whenever I think of September 11th, I will think of my favorite New Yorker and be so grateful for every day I have had with her since. My sister took part in the 2,998 project, where you write a tribute for one of the people that lost their lives that day. I included the link to her tribute below.

http://itsybitsywriter.blogspot.com/2011/09/project-2996-harry-blanding-jr-10-years.html

I also wanted to include a copy of the prayer President Hinckley said at the October 2001 General Conference for The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints. It gave me comfort then and still does now. Thanks for letting me share and gratitude and love beyond measure to all those who sacrifice on my behalf.

O God, our Eternal Father, Thou great Judge of the Nations, Thou who art the governor of the universe, Thou who art our Father and our God, whose children we are, we look to Thee in faith in this dark and solemn time. Please, dear Father, bless us with faith. Bless us with love. Bless us with charity in our hearts. Bless us with a spirit of perseverance to root out the terrible evils that are in this world. Give protection and guidance to those who are engaged actively in carrying forth the things of battle. Bless them; preserve their lives; save them from harm and evil. Hear the prayers of their loved ones for their safety. We pray for the great democracies of the earth which Thou hast overseen in creating their governments, where peace and liberty and democratic processes obtain.

O Father, look with mercy upon this, our own nation, and its friends in this time of need. Spare us and help us to walk with faith ever in Thee and ever in Thy Beloved Son, on whose mercy we count and to whom we look as our Savior and our Lord. Bless the cause of peace and bring it quickly to us again, we humbly plead with Thee, asking that Thou wilt forgive our arrogance, pass by our sins, be kind and gracious to us, and cause our hearts to turn with love toward Thee. We humbly pray in the name of Him who loves us all, even the Lord Jesus Christ, our Redeemer and our Savior, amen.

Nickel And A Dime

2011-09-09T15:13:00.008-06:00

Where were you five years ago today?

I was getting hitched, Ranch Style, to my Soul Matey.

This is our 5 and 10 Anniversary. We got married exactly 5 years after we started dating. 5 years married, 10 years together. I have to count the first five years, because they have too many good memories and took too much work, just to drop them. I thought I'd share some fun facts about our wedding and courtship.

We were married on Bear's Aunt Jaylin's ranch in Northern California. Our friend Matthew Russell (director of Seven Days In Utopia) got certified to be a reverend on the Internet and preformed the ceremony. As you can see, I made everyone sit on hay bales. I thought it was charming. They thought it was scratchy. Our colors were yellow and green and Mother Nature cooperated with a matching back drop.

Our cake had chocolate frosting and two dancing polar "bears" as the topper. It still to this day is the best tasting wedding cake I have ever had, though it was dangerous to feed him a bite, while wearing white. I had to smash and run.

We danced like crazy. We danced on tables and closed down the party at 4:00 am, when the last of the hard core group crawled into tents, or pick-up truck beds and passed out. It will always be one of the highlights of my life.

This photo is from ten years ago. It was taken during our acting class on September 11, 2001. (Crazy enough, everyone still came to class. I think it was better than being alone.) This was the first scene we ever did together and was just two days after we started dating. The scene was from Reality Bites. I don't have many photos from then, since it was pre-digital, but weren't we sweet young things. Every anniversary I tell the same joke, because I'm cool like that. I say, Happy (fill in the number years) Anniversary... man it feels like an eternity! Well it is only partly true. This picture feels like it was taken yesterday and it feels like an eternity ago. I think all the best things in life are like that and love and sacrifice and family and dreams and everything else that makes up this marriage, definitely qualifies as a "best thing". Happy 5 and 10 Soul Matey!

Inevitable

2011-09-07T23:29:00.007-06:00

I waited as long as I could, but 20 months is when I had to start pushing my passions on to my child. What are parents for, right?

Pretty much the only time he paid attention to his coach.

I don't remember this event.

Landing on his bum... Just like Mom.

Practicing those jumping skills. We have one foot off the ground... hoping for two very soon.

Movie Star

2011-09-06T22:44:00.015-06:00

For those of you who aren't on Facebook and may have missed my incessant reminders about this movie: My husband, Robert Bear, aka Chuck, aka the cute cowboy with the long hair (pictured below on the right), is in a movie called Seven Days In Utopia. This movie is a rare gem in Hollywood. It has great stars, great story, great acting. It is uplifting and inspirational and you can watch it with your grandma, without ever having to shift uncomfortably in your seat. We would be honored and delighted if you would go see it. Then, if you like it (which you will), please tell your friends and family about it. The promotional budget on this film is super small, so we are relying on word of mouth. I've been told that if anything is of good report or praise-worthy to seek after it and this movie falls in that category.

I wanted to share some of Bear's pictures with you from filming last August in Utopia, Texas.

Brian Geraghty (The Hurt Locker), Josh Painting and Robert Bear

Lucas Black (Friday Night Lights, All The Pretty Horses, Sling Blade... too many great ones to list), Robert Bear and Brian Geraghty

Lucas Black, Robert Duvall (if you need me to list his credits, you need to watch more movies) and Matthew Russell who not only directed this movie, but also was the reverend at my wedding. True Story.

Robert Bear and Brian Geraghty on horseback in Texas... does it get any better?

Here is a few pictures of the premiere party we had last Saturday.

This is my sorry attempt at Oreo Truffles. In my head they were going to look like golf balls with SFT (See it, Feel it, Trust it) written on them. The upside is they still tasted great!

Bear getting in a few autographs.

Bear and his amazing cousins, who drove 13 hours to surprise us and see the movie with us. We had no clue! It seriously made the weekend so special. Thanks again guys.

Me and the Movie Star. Hubba, hubba!

This is the whole group that came out on Saturday. You Rock!

We feel the love everyone. Thanks for supporting us. See the film and let us know what you think. If you are in Salt Lake, I'll even come watch your kids while you are at the movie. Here is a link to a list of theatres it is playing in and Here is a link to the trailer.

P.S. I am so proud of you babe and you look hot in Wranglers!

Tie Dye

2011-08-30T22:50:00.006-06:00

Remember my Wizard Baby phase, where every time River wore his blue (wizard) hat, I couldn't resist taking a picture? Well now I have entered a tie dye phase. I think he is irresistible in this onesie. It is my favorite. I think all little kids should wear tie dye all the time. It's bright and colorful and when they spill stuff on their clothes, you don't even notice. Less stress for you=more fun for them. Babies should wear onesies as much as possible. It is the only time in their lives it will be acceptable to do so, so have at it River... Show us your hunky, chunky thighs.

This post is supposed to just be about how cute River is, but now the subject of children's clothing has entered my brain and I might need to rant about a pet peeve of mine. I read in a history class one time, about babies in the Victorian age (or some other age) having to dress like miniature adults. It completely restrained them from running around and you know, being kids. I thought, "How awful." But now, it is totally happening here too. Yes, have a few cute outfits, for family photos and special occasions, but don't skip over the soft cotton onesie with the animal on it, because you don't think it is cool. It should only matter if your kid likes it and is comfortable in it. Maybe it is good if you don't like it so much, that way they will be free to run around and get a few grass stains. I know five year olds who ask to stand on the line at recess, because they don't want to get there clothes dirty. That's sad... not tragic, but sad and who knows what biases they will have when they get older, because clothing was given such a high priority.

Ha, ha... I realize I am probably in the minority on this one. Fashion is not my passion. I actually wish we all wore sheets draped around us like the ancient Greeks and Romans. I guess it doesn't matter what your kids wear, as long as parents care more about letting them play hard than keeping their outfits nice.

A brief history on this onesie. It is a hand me down that I bought. Wait you ask... how do you buy a hand me down? Well, eight years ago, my friend Becca had a beautiful little boy Trevor and I knew his dad would be having him wear polos in no time, so I had to have a hippie intervention and get him this onesie. It has since been worn by her three other kids as well, though judging by its excellent condition, probably not very much. I guess they didn't go through the tie dye phase.

By the way, this little one turns 20 months tomorrow. He is learning at speeds that floor me daily. My new favorite developement, is just in the last couple weeks, he has become attatched to one of his bears (the biggest one, might I add) and his blanket. I have never seen anything more classic than a sleepy head wondering around holding a bear in one hand and a blanket in the other and still managing to suck his thumb. Norman Rockwell painting for sure.

River might be tired of the camera, but the camera will never tire of him.

Saved by Dad.

4th of Julies

2011-08-18T22:27:00.002-06:00

I just realized my disciplined everyday posting in June did not carry over to July and I missed some big events. This is River's second 4th, but last year he went to bed at six and never saw so much as a sparkler. This year, we layed off the schedule a bit and River had the time of his life. We had so many firework celebrations, I lost count. Utah does its big celebrations on Saturday or Monday, if the 4th falls on a Sunday, like this year. So Saturday we went up the mountains and had a campfire and drove down in time for the South Salt Lake fireworks. Then Sunday we had a barbeque. Monday we had another barbeque, followed by awesome neighborhood fireworks and lastly, Pioneer Day rolled around (A UT holiday, celebrating the day the Pioneers first arrived in the Salt Lake Valley... celebrated in similar fashion to the 4th.) and River got to go through his own box of fireworks!

After three nights in a row of a ten o' clock bedtime, this little man was partied out. Thankfully he got enough rest for the 24th (Pioneer Day) and was the cutest fireworks director ever. He would run to the stack of fireworks, pick one out, set it down in the same spot each time, run to mommy's lap and then give the sign for go to his dad. He would clap through the sparkling and cracking, but the second it was done, he was off my lap and back to his "work". He loves helping out and takes it very seriously.

Dog Days

2011-08-12T23:09:00.005-06:00

It's that time of year when it just gets evil hot. No good comes from this type of heat. Tempers are burning, anger is quick and patience is low. We are on pins and needles, looking for any sign of Fall. I saw a few leaves rustling around on the ground and my heart leapt with joy. It can't be too much longer. Officially the dog days are supposed to end on September 5th. Until then, we will keep hiding out during the hottest part of the day. Which means my house will continue to look like this...

And my sun-crazed tot will look like this...

Blankets will become a thing of the past...

I will continue to find reasons to stay in my workout clothes all day...

And Bear and River will take it one step further...

When we do venture out, our faces will probably look like this...

So mostly we'll stay in and my house will stay messy and my baby will stay stir-crazy, but the evil heat will not take us down. We will live to see another September!

Fun Fact: The expression Dog Days of Summer comes from ancient times. It refers to the hottest, longest, most sultry days of Summer. Most people think it got its name, because the heat makes you lazy like a dog, but actually it got its name from the star Sirius, which is the brightest star in the Canis Major constellation and is high in the sky at the same time of year that the heat is the worst, July 4-September 5th. Dog Days were popularly believed to be an evil time "when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, Quinto raged in anger, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies" according to Brady’s Clavis Calendarium, 1813.

Ahh... The Vanity

2011-08-08T23:19:00.004-06:00

On July 23, 2011, I finally reached my pre-pregnancy weight. Are you kidding me? River turned 19 months a week and a half later. I seriously never imagined it would take this long. This isn't even taking into account the .9 at the end of that 111, or the fact that I had my first weigh in at the doctor's office in the afternoon, with clothes on and after I had eaten, but I took this pic first thing in the morning, pre-food and in my skivvies. All I know is the scale says 111, so I am counting it.
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The crazy thing is how unflattering the same number on the scale can be. I am missing my flat stomach and totally not missing this extra padding on my hips. Plus, alert the authorities, someone done stole my boobs (sorry if you find that inappropriate) right of my chest. Seriously. I stopped nursing and they disappeared. It's not right.
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I try to remind myself I lost 48 pounds. Someone mentioned she only gained 20 pounds with her pregnancies and I almost died. I seriously gained that in my swollen right foot. 20 pounds! I didn't even think that was really possible. It's not like I eat that much more while I'm pregnant. Maybe I am one of those sleep eaters... next pregnancy, I am setting up a camera.
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The funny thing about it taking this long to lose all the weight was that I dropped from 158 to 127 in two weeks and from 127-120 in 6 weeks and then bam... not a pound more for over a year. I got all cocky in the beginning, thinking it was going to be a breeze. I should stop getting cocky. Nothing good ever comes from getting cocky.
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If you're wondering what I did to lose the last ten pounds, I finally admitted I could no longer be one of those people who ate whatever they wanted and only exercised sometimes and not have weight issues. Instead of bemoan this fact, I decided to be grateful for the 31 wonderful years I had and seriously make some changes. I only drank one can of soda a day prior, but soda is a waistline killer, so I cut down to one can on the weekends. I had already been going to the gym 3 times a week, but upped that to five and I run every day but Sunday. Sometimes it is only a mile, but the frequency has been the key and I am finally seeing a difference. Now if I can just get my boobs back!

19 Months

2011-08-01T23:49:00.003-06:00

I was sent one of those email alerts that tell you how your baby is progressing. The only problem was, it was for a 19 month old. I thought it was a mistake and then I realized... WOW! River is really 19 months!
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He can speak some, sign a lot and tell jokes (If I say it's hot, he'll do the sign for cold, so I will say, "It's not cold!" Then he'll sign cold again and laugh and laugh.) Lately he likes to try and drink his bathwater, just to get a reaction out of me. He loves watching Long Island Iced Z (it's a wrestler's youtube channel and he sincerely loves it... he throws up the L and I finger sign, fist pumps and even woo, woo, woos). He is still a dance machine and loves music (thank goodness for singing time in nursery, or I'm not sure I could get him to stay). He loves playing with the big kids and if an older kid comes around (especially a boy in the 4-6 age range) he pulls out all his coolest moves to try and impress. He also talks their ears off in his own special language, which is hilarious, because they look at me and matter of factly point out that he is not making any sense.
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We think he is delightful in every way, but one thing that still needs work... well... roll the footage, roll the footage...

Life Is Sweet

2011-07-30T00:03:00.002-06:00

Lately there is a lot of stuff going on in the world that has been weighing down my heart. I don't know about you, but I'm in need of a reminder of the good stuff.

The only reason we get sad when people leave this world early, is because there is so, so much beauty and love in it too. The simplest moments are miracles. I am so grateful that River has given me new eyes to see and new ears to hear these miracles. I am so thankful I have Bear to share each moment with. God is great and I could not love my life more.

Rise and Shine

2011-07-28T23:54:00.002-06:00

Mornings are not my favorite, but this little guy helps turn my morning frown upside down.

Usually I don't blast him with the lights, but his room is too dark to record in otherwise. As the child of two actors, I'm sure he'll get used to suffering for a good take.

Threes

2011-07-26T23:59:00.003-06:00

They say bad news comes in threes and this time it did. My friend unexpectedly lost her young brother, a boy scout from my old ward where I taught primary was killed in a freak lightening storm while at camp and a lady in my current ward delivered her full term baby stillborn. That was a lot of tragedies to hear about in one week and these were on top of what seemed like an excessive amount of tragedies in the news. Though I have a strong testimony of eternal families, I still struggled with wondering how these people were going to cope with the pain they had to endure. If something happened to River, I would die of a broken heart. It wouldn't be a long, drawn out experience either. It would break and I would die. But what about people who have other children, how do they keep going, despite the pain?

My friend Suzanne, Big Matt's mom, shared a talk she heard that has helped her somewhat understand her pain. People would always tell her, it will get easier with time, but she didn't understand how, since it would just be even longer since she had seen Matt. This talk helped her and since none of us get through this life unscathed by loss, I wanted to share it here, with the hopes that the right person will get to see it.

STEVEN KALAS: When you lose a child, grieving is a lifelong experience

When our first child is born, a loud voice says, "Runners, take your marks!" We hear the starting gun and the race begins. It's a race we must win at all cost. We have to win. The competition is called "I'll race you to the grave." I'm currently racing three sons. ...I really want to win.

Not everyone wins.

I'm here at the national meeting of Compassionate Friends, an organization offering support and resources for parents who lose the race. I'm wandering the halls during the "break-out" sessions. In this room are parents whose children died in car accidents. Over there is a room full of parents of murdered children. Parents of cancer victims are at the end of the hall. Miscarriages and stillbirths are grouped together, as are parents who have survived a child's suicide. And so it goes.

In a few minutes, I'm going to address Compassionate Friends. This is the toughest audience of my life. I mix with the gathering crowd, and a woman from Delaware glances at my name tag. Her name tag has a photo of her deceased son. My name tag is absent photos.

"So ... you haven't ... lost anyone," she says cautiously.

"My three sons are yet alive, if that's what you're asking me," I say gently.

She tries to nod politely, but I can see that I've lost credibility in her eyes. She's wondering who invited this speaker, and what on earth he could ever have to say to her.

My address is titled "The Myth of Getting Over It." It's my attempt to answer the driving questions of grieving parents: When will I get over this? How do I get over this?

You don't get over it. Getting over it is an inappropriate goal. An unreasonable hope. The loss of a child changes you. It changes your marriage. It changes the way birds sing. It changes the way the sun rises and sets. You are forever different.

You don't want to get over it. Don't act surprised. As awful a burden as grief is, you know intuitively that it matters, that it is profoundly important to be grieving. Your grief plays a crucial part in staying connected to your child's life. To give up your grief would mean losing your child yet again. If I had the power to take your grief away, you'd fight me to keep it. Your grief is awful, but it is also holy. And somewhere inside you, you know that.

The goal is not to get over it. The goal is to get on with it.

Profound grief is like being in a stage play wherein suddenly the stagehands push a huge grand piano into the middle of the set. The piano paralyzes the play. It dominates the stage. No matter where you move, it impedes your sight lines, your blocking, your ability to interact with the other players. You keep banging into it, surprised each time that it's still there. It takes all your concentration to work around it, this at a time when you have little ability or desire to concentrate on anything.

The piano changes everything. The entire play must be rewritten around it.

But over time the piano is pushed to stage left. Then to upper stage left. You are the playwright, and slowly, surely, you begin to find the impetus and wherewithal to stop reacting to the intrusive piano. Instead, you engage it. Instead of writing every scene around the piano, you begin to write the piano into each scene, into the story of your life.

You learn to play that piano. You're surprised to find that you want to play, that it's meaningful, even peaceful to play it. At first your songs are filled with pain, bitterness, even despair. But later you find your songs contain beauty, peace, a greater capacity for love and compassion. You and grief -- together -- begin to compose hope. Who'da thought?

Your grief becomes an intimate treasure, though the spaces between the grief lengthen. You no longer need to play the piano every day, or even every month. But later, when you're 84, staring out your kitchen window on a random Tuesday morning, you welcome the sigh, the tears, the wistful pain that moves through your heart and reminds you that your child's life mattered.

You wipe the dust off the piano and sit down to play.

Steven Kalas is a behavioral health consultant and counselor at Clear View Counseling and Wellness Center in Las Vegas. Contact him at skalas@review journal.com.

Happy Birthday Mama

2011-07-23T23:05:00.004-06:00

This post is coming a little late in the day, but I couldn't let the 23rd of July pass without celebrating the best mom on the planet. She's been on Earth for 60 years and I've been lucky enough to share 32 and 1/2 with her... plus 9 months of getting to know her voice in the womb. You moms out there know how your baby recognizes your voice and amidst all the chaos of labor and delivery, they turn and find you when you speak. How lucky I am that she is that person for me. I love her and I love her more now that I am a mom too.

Here she is pregnant with me and if you look real close, her shirt says, "I am having a boy." Oops! Sorry to disappoint. I just looked like a boy instead.

How cool is it that my mom was a zookeeper. All the animals loved her as much as us. A hippo even saved her life. You can't make this stuff up.

She was born Iris Lillie, but I call her mom and now she goes by Nomee... which I think is the sweetest name of all. She picked it, because she really wanted her grandchildren to "know me". Don't worry mom. They will and they will be better because of it. I love you. Happy Birthday!

Thank Goodness For Video Cameras

2011-07-12T23:10:00.003-06:00

Because sometimes you just need proof that your wild man was once a little one.

Watching River run around and laugh so hard today, I was making him take breaks just to catch his breath, I looked up at his newborn photo on the wall and thought... This cannot possibly be the same being.
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My favorite things about having an 18 month old are the simple schedule (sleep 8pm-8am and one nap at 1), the increased communication (over 25 signs and about 15 words used on a regular basis), seeing him try to put his clothes on himself (even when he gets frustrated, he keeps trying), the affection (kisses, hugs and just grabbing on to my leg to lean on and suck his thumb for a second) and watching him become more and more his own person.
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My least favorite things about having an 18 month old are sitting and talking with friends is nearly impossible, I have to see him fall down A LOT, he somehow learned to whine really well when saying the word no (it's a one syllable word and he can make it three), he is in a big separation anxiety phase and won't let me leave him in nursery by himself anymore and finally... it's going by too quickly. I blinked and he went from my 8 lb angelic newborn to a 26 lb dashing, crashing, sassing tot. I'm sleeping with my eyes open tonight, because I am scared to blink again and have him be 13 tomorrow.

Best Shot

2011-07-07T22:35:00.007-06:00

If you are friends with me on facebook, be prepared for a daily (maybe twice daily) request to vote for River in the Gerber contest. I know that it is a long shot and there is most likely some gigantic Italian family out there, with every second or third cousin voting daily, but you miss every shot you don't take, so I really want to give this my best shot.
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You all know River is beautiful, but he will also one day lead this nation, so you can consider this vote an investment in your future. When he is President, you can say.... I helped send that man to college. I will share credit with you, after all, it really does take a village.
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I've been getting a few critiques on the picture I chose to submit. First, I want to say I really like this picture. Second, the rules are it had to be taken by me (aka not the best photographer armed with only a tiny point and shoot camera)and it had to be taken recently (you try and get an 18 month old to smile directly at the camera. If you are okay with the photo and want to do me the kindness of voting, click HERE. Thank you and I promise not to do anymore of these for a long, long time.

June 31st!

2011-07-01T23:48:00.005-06:00

That's right.. River gets a half birthday after all. Please tune into our reality show A Day In The Life Of An 18 Month Old Sensation!
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7:00 am The cat wakes me up, because he wants to eat. This was cute pre-baby... not so much anymore.
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7:50 am Finally dozing back to sleep after the cat wake up. I know most people would get up and get a head start on breakfast, but I relish every ounce of sleep like a drowning person relishes oxygen.
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8:13 am I hear River saying Boo over the monitor. I decide to keep my eyes shut for one more minute, since he is happy and giggling. During that minute, I say a little prayer of gratitude that ever since he started taking only one nap back in February, he sleeps in longer in the morning. I take a deep breath and greet my little man for the day.

9:00 am River is finally eating breakfast. I sneak away for a second and get dressed in my workout clothes.

9:30 am River is dressed and we are heading out of the door for our morning walk, when I smell something funny. That diaper sure didn't last long.

9:45 am We make it out for our morning walk. It takes ten times longer now that he knows the signs for stop and go. Every time he signs stop, I stop the stroller and every time he signs go, we go. I wonder if I look schizophrenic, since most people probably don't understand I am taking silent commands from my child. As I pass my Bishop's and Stake President's house, I wonder if walking your kids constitutes wearing workout clothes... then I decide I'm too hot to care and at least my run sensor makes me seem more legit.
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10:30 am We make it back to the apartment, but now we must run laps around the car. I rethink my decision of stopping my run sensor, as I know I've at least added another half mile in circles. I also contemplate whether the half days worth of shade the tree gives my car is worth the sap and bird poop covering my car. I also decide to think of the bird poop as remains of an oreo cookie fight, because not only will I be less grossed out by my car, but I'll probably eat less oreo cookies as well.
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10:50 am After a head bonk on the driveway, from an escape attempt, we make it back into the apartment... almost.

11:00 am I am already wiped out by the heat and it's not even the hottest part of the day yet. River, however, is ready for some playtime and is loving the big red bucket I won yesterday. What I thought was going to be a fun container for ice cold beverages, has become a pretend washing machine and a basketball goal for fruit snacks.

11:30 am It's time for the free lunch program in the park. We head back out in the heat and I realize halfway to the park, I am still wearing my workout clothes from this morning. Oh well... being at the park with an 18 month old is a workout! On the menu today is the oh so healthy American staple of... nachos?

11:32 am Now we are onto our current favorite park activities... walking backwards and throwing sticks in the stream... thankfully not at the same time. I think I got him to sit still and eat for a total of 1 minute and 38 seconds. Since the food isn't so healthy today, I decide not to worry too much about it and just feed him a banana later.

12:45 pm Back inside my apartment and so pooped. Thank goodness it's time to wake up Bear. I hand River off and finally go to the bathroom.
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1:00 pm I realize I am zoning and magically pop back into reality right at nap time. We put River down, despite his urgent pleas to stay up. He cries heartily for 15 seconds and then all is calm.
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1:15 pm Ignoring many other items on my to do list, I finally get my behind to the gym. I am still in my workout clothes, so might as well. I realize I forgot my running sensor, so I lift weights instead. This girl don't run, unless the miles get added.
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2:10 pm Back from the gym... I almost made it an hour (good enough) and I switch off with Bear. We sound really athletic right now. I decide to get stuff done, but check my email first and 45 minutes go by.
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3:00 pm Computer stuff makes me tired and since River is still sleeping, I decide to see if I can sneak in a nap.
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3:10 pm I hear River say Eeee Ohhh on the monitor. Dang!

The rest of the day.... I lose steam in the video department. Somehow, I get dinner on the table at five. I'm pretty sure Signing Time was involved. I force two bites down River's throat and we change into swimming suits and head off to Liberty Park to splash in the Seven Canyons fountain and escape our hot apartment.

7:30 pm We head back home and throw River in the tub. We give him his teething homeopathics and gel. We brush his teeth. We run around the house chasing his naked body, trying to put on lotion and get his diaper on before he pees. We don't get his diaper on before he pees. Bear pulls out the trusty carpet spray and I tackle River and finally get him diapered. Did I mention, my apartment is really hot and I've worked up a nice sweat... good thing I went from workout clothes to a swimsuit. My goal for tomorrow is to wear a bra, but only if it is under 90 degrees.

8:00 pm Pajamas, storytime and eventually.... hopefully by 8:15, but most likely 8:30... bedtime. Usually we read to River, but lately he's been reading to us.

The End!

A Few Things I Missed

2011-06-30T23:21:00.008-06:00

Noodle's 6th Birthday On May 7th

I can't let this one slip bye, especially since he's aged more this year than all the other ones put together. Do you think it has something to do with the above ear pulling? We really do our best to teach River the meaning of the word gentle, but he's fast and easily excitable, so I am very thankful Noodle is patient with him. He takes it out on me later in the night, but River is bite/scratch free, so all is well. We love you Noodle Battlecat Bear.

Bear's Father's Day Gift and Picture On Father's Day

I did a couple Father's Day posts, but I wanted to share Bear's cute gift. If you can't tell, it is a tee shirt and it says, "I am this happy, because my dad is that awesome!" I just love these father/son pictures. They are both so handsome and Bear could be a hair model in this picture.

Our Day In The Mountains

We haven't braved an overnight camping trip with River yet. I know a lot of people do it, but River did not take to sleeping naturally, so I am gun shy of anything that keeps him from taking a nap. We did get to fake camp and spend the whole evening up in the mountains. It was nice to get out of the city, see the milky way and then go sleep in our beds.

River and Rocky

River has a best friend named Rocky. I love when these two play together. They are very similar in their temperments, so a lot of sharing, hugging and niceness goes on. Plus Rocky has a fun pool and if you haven't noticed, it is HOTT up in here.

This Is The Place

Our fertility clinic sponsored a free day at This Is The Place. It was so fun. We had an awesome catered lunch, got to see the sights and River rode a horse for the first time. He did great, but was more interested in the "fan" that the horses were tethered to, so they would walk in a circle. What can I say, the boy spots fans everywhere. I am so glad I could experience this Utah monument on a crowd free day. Crowds, heat and babies do not mix... but you can't stay locked in your house either, so I love when adventures work out. Thanks RRC and if anyone needs help having a baby, this is the place... get it?

Thirty, Flirty and Fabulous

2011-06-29T22:32:00.004-06:00

My little sister wasn't the only one turning thirty this year. Brooke J. Brandt celebrated her Dirty Thirty on April 15th and her awesome boyfriend Gareth thought it would be fun to fly her to Salt Lake for a party. Yes please!

This post was going to be longer, but blogger has been fighting me all night. I'll wrap up by letting all of my girls husbands/boyfriends know... it is always a good idea to fly them to see me. No special occasion required.

Go Crazy

2011-06-28T23:32:00.004-06:00

I'll admit it. I was catching up on So You Think You Can Dance and put this post off to the very last second. It was so worth it! I was sad to see two of my favorite guy dancers go, but who are you going to pick, when they are all amazing. Even if you are not super into dance, your heart has to be made of stone not to enjoy the Napoleon and Tabitha number about a soldier returning home from Afghanistan and reuniting with his wife. Do yourself a favor and watch it twice. The dance was so joyful, but I couldn't help but feel bittersweet for Matt and Tiff, who didn't get to reunite here on earth. In an equally stunning, albeit, less technical piece... you can watch River "Go Crazy" below. Thank you and good night.

Signing Time

2011-06-27T13:54:00.006-06:00

I've made it my mission to not let my family be big tv watchers. I hate, HATE the tv on, unless there is a specific show or game to be viewed. Many people can have it on for background noise, but I get sucked into the dumbest show, so off is better for me. I can't wait to have a house, where the tv won't have to be in the main room. I also can't wait to have a dining room, so we won't be tempted to eat our meals with the tv on. These are the things I dream of.
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My only exception to my general dislike of daytime tv viewing is Signing Time. Granted the songs get stuck in my head on a never-ending repeat cycle, but River loves it and he is learning signs faster than I can keep up. The day finally came this past week, when he was doing a sign I didn't know. It was happy. In my defense, happy and bath look a lot alike.
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I think he likes the show so much, because he understands what they are saying. I like it, because I feel like my baby is a genius when I ask him what he wants and he can let me know. When he starts to get frustrated, I say, use your signs and he does. I know he'll be talking my ear off soon, but I am thankful for this earlier form of communication. Plus it's just so darn cute watching him sign more, more, more to the Deacons as they pass the Sacrament. Sorry buddy, you only get one piece of bread.
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He really can sign more than just more, but at the time these videos were taken, it was my favorite sign. Now my favorite signs are stop, go and mosquito. For the sake of River's biggest video fan, Pops, I'll work on getting those too.

A Good Brushing

2011-06-26T22:05:00.005-06:00

(Photo By Marianne Wiest Photography)

This is another what works for me post. When River got his first couple teeth, brushing them was a nightmare. I would hold him down, kicking and screaming, while trying to pry open his mouth, for maybe... 3 seconds worth of brushing. My sister in law recommended an electric toothbrush and we haven't looked back sense. The vibrating and noise intrigued him and it became a little game. I don't think we quite get the suggested 3 minutes of brushing, twice a day, but we get a lot more than 3 seconds and it involves no more tears. We bought the electric toothbrush from Wal-Mart that is $4.99 and comes with stickers to personalize it. That was a bonus as it provided 15 minutes of entertainment and you Moms know, we live our lives 15 minutes at a time. I hope this message reaches the right person and I'd love to hear any of your bed, bath and brushing tips.

Inspiration

2011-06-25T22:22:00.010-06:00

It's 11:00 pm. I have a bucket load of things to finish before I hit the hay, including a church lesson I'm teaching bright and early tomorrow morning. I could be a little stressed right now, but that's kind of not the point of church lessons, so I am taking a blog break instead to provide you with a little Sunday Inspiration.

If the video doesn't do it for you, these photos by Melissa Sue Photography surely will. Sorry I haven't shared these one year photos with you yet. Most people have seen them on facebook already, but I am a blog loyalist, so here you go.

Has it really already been six months since these photos were taken? I can't believe how much my little man has grown and how much he has learned since then. If only we could all learn at the rate of a one year old.

Where The Grass Is Greener

2011-06-24T23:06:00.006-06:00

Right after River and I got home from Phoenix, we hightailed it back out of Salt Lake and went to visit my family in Kansas City.... that would be KCMO... as in Missouri, for the record. My little sister and her husband were able to fly in from California, as well. We were able to celebrate her 30th birthday all together as a family. The last time we celebrated any of our birthdays all together was her 15th birthday in 1996, a week before I left for college. Needless to say, being together is not taken for granted in this household.

Here's the first family photo ever to include all of us. Couples from left to right; my brother Luke and his super cute and just graduated from UMKC girlfriend Kristy, Nomee and Pops... aka... Iris and Hal... aka my mom and dad, Da Bears and then my looks more like 15 than 30 year old sister Jessica and her husband Josh.

River was missing the swimming pools in Phoenix, but loved having all this lush, Midwest grass to play on. He also loved having a cool Aunt to play with.

My only regret is that it was a little too early in the year for lightning bugs (fireflies if you aren't from around here)to be out. The Midwest summers can be hot and humid, but the smell of honeysuckle hanging heavy in the night air and chasing lightning bugs at twilight, are quite literally the main ingredients of magic and childhood. As always dear family, it went by too fast.

Once Upon A Time...

2011-06-23T22:25:00.010-06:00

I went to a wedding.

But not just any wedding... Melanie Rees is one of my favorites persons of all time, so it's only fitting, her wedding would be ranked among my favorites of all time. The reception was peaceful, happy and charming. I felt like I had been transported out of the city and into the south. Not South Beach south, but elegant southern belle Georgia south.

Melanie was stunning. The dress was Ah-maze-ing! So often, Utah wedding dresses have the misfortune of looking like a Hanes tee shirt attached to a ball gown. That was not the case with this antique looking piece of loveliness. I might have to renew my vows, just so I can borrow it.

One of my biggest pet peeves with Utah weddings is people pay a fortune for a gigantic cake and then wait till almost everyone leaves to do the traditional first slice. It offends my wallet (serious waste of money people) and my cake loving stomach (I brought a present, can't I get one tiny piece?). I was happy to see that while Melanie had to stand in the wedding line almost the whole time, they served many a fabulous dessert, including ice cream cones and that her cake was super tiny, so it wasn't a waste. It was also a bonus that the cake was about the cutest thing I've ever seen and I had to stop myself from trying it on.

Melanie and Kevin looking radiant under a gorgeous gazebo. I told my husband I need a gazebo and he asked why and I said so I can practice I am 16 going on 17. Needless to say, the reference went straight over his head.

Please focus on the beautiful bride and not the six inches of roots on the top of my head. That problem has been rectified.

My cute family, enjoying the love, the perfect music, the wrap around porch, the vast green lawn, the croquet and ice cream cones... heck... we even enjoyed the pink house and that says a lot coming from me.

The theme was celebrating the future and honoring the past. She had pictures of relatives and loved ones weddings on the table as centerpieces. I was a fan of this, as I did the same thing at my wedding. Great minds think alike.

The cutest croquet player to ever walk the Earth.

We finished the night by riding a train around the grounds of This Is The Place. You can see River using the sign for more in this picture.

But alas... all good things must come to an end... well except for eternal marriages and families. Thank goodness for that.

The End and The Beginning.

It's Going To Be A Hot One

2011-06-22T22:05:00.004-06:00

Summer is definitely upon us. It was hott with two t's in Salt Lake today and tomorrow is supposed to be worse. (Or better if you are one of those weird bikram yoga loving heat freaks.) During the rainy Spring, I had the opportunity to buy a cheap season pass to a water park, but passed in an attempt to save a little dough. WHAT was I thinking??? Apparently not about the torturous sun rays of death. Epic fail on my part, but the good news is, I discovered a little treasure hiding in Liberty Park. The best part is, it's free.
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If you live in Salt Lake, take your tots to splash in the Seven Canyon Fountain at Liberty Park. It is an awesome set of fountains, designed after the seven canyons that surround Salt Lake... so where a mountain would be, there is a really big rock and where a river would be, there is a shallow canal, perfect for baby splashing. Babies have to wear a swim diaper and I hear, though I don't know for sure, they run a little chlorine through it to keep everything clean. I was there during free lunch time at the park, so probably the busiest time of the day and the fountains are so big, River had plenty of room to explore without getting run over by bigger kids. Let me know when you want to go.

Info Share

2011-06-21T22:27:00.006-06:00

I am a fan of blogs. I love all the information others share with me about what they do, how they do it and why. I trust the things I learn, so much more than the faceless, annonymous answers I get from internet searches. I also love the ideas I get, that I wouldn't even think to search for. I admit, I start to feel like everyone else is a gazillion times better at everything and I don't have anything to share, but that's just the pesky devil on my left shoulder making noise, so I've decided to blog about a few of the things I know/do. Unfortunately, these aren't the type of things that come with beautiful pictures, but maybe you'll still find them interesting.

Since it's the first day of Summer, my first post will be about sunscreen. I'm not a doctor, but I have read a lot about this, so decide for yourself, what is best for you. I think it is sad that one of the most healing elements, our sun, has been so villianized. It's not the sun that's bad, but a lack of common sense in exposure that does so much damage. In fact, much like superman, we need the yellow sun for many health related benefits. With the advise to wear sunscreen all day, everyday, came a rise in depression and vitamin d deficincies. Boo! But noone wants skin cancer, or premature wrinkles either, so what is the answer?

This is what I do. I get outside everyday, without sunscreen and get sun on my hands, face and arms... eyes included. If I had a privacy fence, I'd probably be running around naked for a bit, but that's just me. This causes your body to produce vitamin d, which does about a million good things for you and sunlight is free, so think of all the money you save at those pricey vitamin shops. Then when I am going to be out in the sun for a long time and might run the risk of getting burned, I... well let me tell you what I do for River, because I'm more careful with him, than myself. I put him in a sunhat with uv protection. (I like the adventure hat from Sun Day Afternoons) It is lightweight, so he'll keep it on, which made it worth the investment. I put him in a swimsuit that covers as much of his body as possible and is uv protective. That way he has "sunscreen" that doesn't wear off with time or water and that leaves me only a small area that I have to put sunscreen on.
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I like this approach, because your skin sucks things in like crazy and sunscreens have a lot of crud in them that do there own kind of damage. Plus kids hate putting it on and without fail, rub it in their eyes, so the less I use, the better. I also am really picky about the sunscreen I buy, but since I use way less of it, I don't mind paying a little more. Also, sunscreen has an expiration date, so buying those huge jumbo sizes, might not be the best idea. Nothing saves you money, if it doesn't work. I found this awesome link (http://breakingnews.ewg.org/2011sunscreen/?inlist=Y&utm_source=2011sunscreen2&utm_medium=email&utm_content=header&utm_campaign=toxics)that lets you know how your brand of sunscreen measures up. (Dang blogger won't let me link it to a word. Sorry for the ugliness.) It might be annoying to have to switch, but seriously... don't pay for stuff that's supposed to protect you, that is actually causing you damage instead.
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One last note... I was buying River a rash guard from the Children's Place earlier this year and noticed it didn't have specific uv protection number listed. I almost bought it anyway, thinking it's a swimsuit, why would they make one that wasn't uv protective, but I decided to call the company instead. It wasn't uv protective ( well all clothing is a little uv protective, from what I've been able to find out on google, between about 8-15spf) but with a swimming suit for a baby, you want more than that. So make sure to check the labels.

Hopefully this was helpful and not boring. The information is out there, if you don't want to take my word for it. Keep those babies safe and maybe, if you have some extra time, keep yourself safe too.

Under The Wire

2011-06-20T23:45:00.005-06:00

In an effort to keep my goal of one post per day, I had to publish this post right before midnight and then edit the sloppy mess after. That's not cheating, because I make the rules.
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I thought it was appropriate to mark the first official day of Summer, by showcasing the little taste of Summer we had back in April. While Utah had a barrage of snowy Spring storms, River and I escaped to Phoenix and tanned are pasty hides. Some more of us, than others... see evidence below.

Ahhh... the simple joys of a backyard. Please don't take them for granted.

Here is the evidence, as aforementioned above in paragraph two, sentence three.

My appropriately named water baby. I had to keep a sharp eye on this little one. He bee lined for the pool every time he was outside. Luckily, they had a catch-a-kid net put on while we were there. It is seriously a must have, if you have a pool and kids.

Becca's four year old, Natalee... aka... Miss Tough Cookie. Earlier this year, she had what appeared to be a large and aggressive tumor on her bladder. Eight different doctors came to the same conclusion, but with a lot of fasting and praying on her behalf, it turned out to be an infected cyst. I know not every story has this happy of an ending, but I'm sure glad this one does. We love you Natalee!

I turn the corner and this is what I see. I don't know about you, but they seem a little suspect, if you ask me.

River loves ceiling fans, what baby doesn't? He was thrilled to be able to control it all by himself, with their remote. Does this look fun? I sure hope so, since it was a large part of our vacation.

We attempted to take the whole crew out. Anymore of us and we won't even fit in Becca's van. By the way, I think River is spent. It must be the thrill of being forward facing in a carseat for the first time. (Don't get used to it buddy.)

Lindsay's son Kai was very enamored with this cactus. This was his meditation rock.

The joy of fly swatters... who knew?

Our little bunch of royalty. Kai informed us that he was King Benjamin and then preceeded to relate the entire Book of Mormon story to us. It warms the heart.

The above photo has not been retouched in any way. These three are really just that breathtaking.

He's gone native.

I loved my time with my best girls. Somehow, the one photo of the three of us has gone missing. Just know, we make each other smile really, REALLY big. I am so grateful for every second I get to spend with them, as our families get bigger and our lives get busier. I am also grateful for swimming pools, sunkissed skin and pizza on the grill... seriously... I dream about that last one. Here's to a happy Summer everyone and may Autumn come and rescue me quickly.

Postcards From River

2011-06-19T21:18:00.004-06:00

Dads

2011-06-18T21:26:00.003-06:00

I'll admit it... I never realized how important dads are, till I became a mom. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing dad. He took us to Worlds of Fun at the end of the school year, if our grades were good. We got hotdogs at Royals games and he cracked us up, just by saying the word schniclkegruber. When it came to my mom or dad taking us to the park, I would way rather go with my dad. He could push the merry-go-round so fast, we would hold tight to the bars and our legs would go airborne. All this being said, it was my mother who seemed so central to my life. How could our family exist without her.
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My mom is still central, but my dad has joined her there. Being River's mom is a joy, but I have time to revel in the happiness of it all, because Bear takes him off my hands when I need a minute. He goes to work every night and doesn't complain. He cooks the meals on days when I am frazzled and always likes whats for dinner, even when it is boring. He made me understand that my own dad probably had other things he'd rather do than commute 45 min to work and work at a car plant.
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I know dads sometimes take the supporting role in the eyes of their kids, but thank goodness for that support. I love you dad and Bear.... I know River loves you like crazy! Happy Father's Day.

Rapunzel

2011-06-17T22:56:00.003-06:00

We took River up the canyon last week. I always say up the canyon, like I still live in Logan and there is only one. Without fail, people ask, "Which one?" Which thouroughly confuses me and then I remember I live in Salt Lake and am surrounded by canyons. I get so into city mode, I forget there is a lot of nature around. Both times I've lived in Salt Lake, the stay was supposed to be short lived, so I've never bothered to become super familiar with it. Maybe one day I'll learn the canyon names, or maybe I'll just move back to Logan. Anyway, he had a lot more fun than his face in this picture would suggest, but I just had to share it. What a cutie.
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I babysat for a friend today. She has two little girls and so I was introduced to the movie Tangled. Despite the fact, I was definitely no Rapunzel at the time of my hair coloring (see picture above for proof... the roots are half the hair) I thought it might be a poor movie choice for a girl who just gave up her blondem. I like my dark hair a lot, but watching her golden, sparkly tresses was making me feel like a boring brown crayon. Without giving away the ending, I'd like to report, I was completely wrong and it was the perfect movie for me to watch today.
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When do you have to stop thinking you're the Disney Princess in the movie. I suppose when you have daughters. I guess it's a pass the torch kind of thing. Looks like I have a little while, so please refer to me as... well never mind... Rapunzel is kind of a silly name, but don't be suprised if I respond everytime I hear someone say your majesty.
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Speaking of not having daughters, I am completely entrenched in boy world. That was proved to me today, while changing the diaper of the little girl I was babysitting. I jumped a foot when I opened up the diaper and there was no penis. I quickly realized I wasn't changing River and all was well, but I sure wish I had a video of my face in that moment. Since I've already taken this blog post down to diaper level, I'll go one notch lower and tell you that River peed on my couch tonight in the two seconds I had his diaper off. Anybody feel like coming over and watching Tangled? Don't worry. We'll put down a towel.

Day Two

2011-06-16T22:38:00.010-06:00

Good thing I wrote my goal of posting everyday till July down, because man I am tired, but you can't be a quitter on day two. Please admire this post. I really had to dig deep for it.

This is a total dad outfit... meaning his dad picked it out. What... tye-dye and plaid don't go together???? They're both blue! I find these mismatched outfits really charming.

I'm banking on none of you being able to remember long enough to use these pictures to embarrass my son. River is in the monkey see, monkey do phase of life. He wants to be just like us and copies everything we do... including trying to put on my bra every morning. He stretches it across his chest and walks around for a few minutes, before he hands it back to me. I revel in these innocent moments. To think we were all like that once... no expectation of what is cool, or acceptable, just whatever we felt like in the moment.

Oh yeah.... and by the way... I colored my hair dark brown. I didn't even add highlights. Oh Boy! I was in total shell shock. As it usually does, money won out and I was a little swayed by Bridge Mihalik's awesome photo. After about four hours, I started to like it. Six years ago, I told Bear, "Never let me dye my hair brown and never let me cut bangs." Well, oops I did it again.

Tell me what you think. You can't possibly have a worse reaction than River. His smile of joy, at thinking his mom was home, turned into a terrified look of panic, when he thought I had been body-snatched. I think it confused him really bad. Even after the initial shock wore off, he wouldn't look at me for about twenty minutes. I had to buy him off with a green m&m. They really do taste the best.

The Juice

2011-06-15T15:12:00.004-06:00

That's what we call catching up with each other... give me the juice... as in the juicy details. I'm sorry I don't have anything too juicy for this post. I am 32 1/2 today. Whooohooo for half birthdays! It's a good reason to indulge in a treat. I'm always on the lookout for treat eating excuses. Unfortunately, River will have to celebrate turning 18 months without a half birthday, as June does not have a 31st. Looks like more treats might be needed to right that wrong. Also, I heard a rumor that Father's Day is coming up. More treats please! For Bear of course... but someone has to lick the spoons while they make em.
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I have been slacking a little on my blog. We've been busy trying to beat the heat and ever since I "upgraded" my browser, blogger really likes to fight with me. It seems to be getting better, so to celebrate turning 32 1/2, I am challenging myself to post something everyday till July. That way I can catch you up on all the juicy summer goodness we've been partaking of.
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Back to indulgences, indulge me in the matter of my great hair debate. I know there are important things going on in the world, but I am part actress, so my hair will always be somewhere on my mind.... maybe shoved down deep at the back... but still there. So here's the question, for the last few years, I have been doing the Jennifer Ansiton (not really blond, not really brunette) thing and I am bored of it, so do I go blonder (dead noon era) or browner (bloody mary era)?

Reasons for going blonder... my Mom likes it better, I always feel most like myself as a blonde and Summer starts next week.

Reasons for going browner... it matches my headshot and those suckers are pricey, roots don't show up as quick and that makes my pocketbook smile and I've always been more of a Fall person anyway.

If you care to, let me know your opinion. I am doing the deed tomorrow, whatever that turns out to be.

No Look

2011-06-03T22:45:00.005-06:00

What is No Look, you ask.... Why, it is my new favorite thing. Actually, it's been my favorite thing since mid March. Right after River started walking, he decided he needed more of a challenge and started walking with his eyes closed. River has a silly streak and No Look walking has turned into No Look eating (aka A bigger mess than you ever thought possible!) and No Look dancing (aka Get out the bandaids!) I haven't been lucky enough to catch all of his No Look antics on video, but here is a taste of the pure joy River brings me each day.

Related?

2011-05-28T23:41:00.010-06:00

People always ask me if River looks like my husband... which is a polite way of saying they don't think he looks like me. Well, here's the proof that at one point in my life, I was cute too. Also, a pretty good artist, if you look close. Just to be clear, I am on the left, at one year old and River is on the right, at 13 months.

Dancing

2011-05-24T21:57:00.006-06:00

It is NOT like riding a bicycle. You definitely can't hop back into a class after 12 years and think you are going to be good. Come to think of it, I haven't ridden a bike in a long time, so maybe I wouldn't be any good at that either.

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I am taking the Modern 2 class at RDT in downtown Salt Lake. It is fast and hard choreography, that usually leaves me spinning by myself five seconds after the music ends. Hmmm... shouldn't I take the Modern 1 class, if I haven't danced in so long? Good question. To bad they DON"T OFFER ONE!

I guess they get a kick out of seeing aging moms like me, floundering to songs by someone named Lady Gaga??? Last time I danced, everything was to Sarah, or Jewel, or Fiona. I wish they would use some of these songs again. I would still suck, but at least I would enjoy the music.

At the beginning of tonight's class, when it became decidedly evident I was out of my league, I thought being the worst person in class might do me some good. I've never been the WORST before, maybe I would gain character by not quitting. Well, by the end of class, I can assure you... being the worst is not so good for me, my character or my waistline. My self esteem plummeted. I hated everyone in the class and I wanted to go home and drown my sorrows in hot fudge. So join me next Tuesday at RDT, but not if you are better than me... I don't want to have to hate you.

Cousins

2011-05-23T23:34:00.008-06:00

I am behind on about a million things in my life, but since I am too tired to make a priority list, I'm just going to catch up the tiniest bit on my blog. We've been in trip mode lately, so here is a snippet of our Wyoming trip. This was mid March. It was the same trip where River got his first haircut.
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River and Zander were born five days apart. They have hung out many times, but this was the first trip they got the hang of playing together. I'm sure they will have many more fun times in the future, although, not as crazy as Bear and his cousins, if I have anything to do with it.

What can I say... Boys like to work. They like to play and they like to get away with holding anything that might cut them.

Maybe we'll try football?

Easter Recap

2011-05-05T20:25:00.006-06:00

River had his first Easter last year, but since he wasn't sitting up yet, much less "hunting", this is the first time we did eggs.

He also got a big Easter present. He loves this ball pit. It's been a couple weeks and he still isn't over it.

These are the three lone survivors of River's first attempt at dyeing Easter Eggs. Lets just say bring a tarp and safety goggles if you let a 15 month old do it himself.

Home from church and ready to play.

We had a nice long break from the rain in the middle of Easter Sunday. Perfect time to find some eggs.

River did really well. Though when his basket was full, he would dump the eggs out and "refind" them.

I thought he looked ruggedly handsome in his Easter outfit. His hat was a gift from a friend. She sells them on facebook at Vintage Greens. It makes him look like a 1930's newsie. I LOVE IT!

This is River giving us the sign for more. Parents beware teaching this sign to your children. It will be overused and it is hard to turn down.

I hope you all had a beautiful Easter. Reflecting on the Savior conquering death, spending time with my beautiful family and pondering how those two things together truly make all my dreams come true... it doesn't get better.

Montana: Take One and Two

2011-04-20T22:14:00.017-06:00

In an attempt to Spring Clean my mind, I'm kicking out the backed up posts in my head and actually putting them on the blog. What a novel idea. Maybe, I'll get to the illusive 3rd wedding post... probably not... but hopefully I'll make a dent in the old ,but unreported news department.
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First up... Montana! We spent the first 10 days of March in lovely Kalispell, Montana. We went to film the movie Treasure State. Really, we went to visit our friends Marianne and Andy, (Mariandy for short) but we used the movie as an excuse. Here's some clips of our adventure.

How to survive an 11 hour road trip with a cat and a baby... bring lots of snacks.

Tired... Juicy... and ready for more.

Thank goodness for Kiss Kiss when the going gets rough.

Noodle assumed his normal position after his road trip ritual of pooping twice and puking twice. Poor baby gets motion sickness every time.

All better! Don't report us to the po po. We try and put him in a carrier, but our cat is part mountain lion and can't survive in a cage. He quite literally has a stroke, foams at the mouth and breaks out into a sweaty, dandruffy lather.

Somewhere along the trip, River found an old binkie in the diaper bag. I could never get him to use one when he was little, but now he's a fan. He just chews on it, while it hangs out the side of his mouth. It probably feels good on his gums, since he's constantly teething, but it cracks me up.

This is the result of River's first fruit smoothie. He loved it so much, he grabbed the glass out of my hand and proceeded to dump some in his mouth and most of it all over his face and shirt. This is also one of the very last pics of him using his walker, since he decided to walk on his own days later.

The world's cutest cowboy.

We love this one, because it looks like he's about to draw his guns. This picture was taken during a lunch break on one of our many filming days. River was my set partner, since I didn't film during this trip. I'd brag that he never ruined a single take, but that's only because I kept him far, far away from the cameras.

I turned around and saw a little Jedi Knight helping Robert Andrus with his laundry.

This is Bear in character as one of the Baxter brothers. It was a brutal shoot. Almost everything he shot was outside in the freezing, snowing, raining, pouring Montana wilderness. Also, if you click here and go to minute five of the video, you'll see the day a horse trampled him on set. Fun times. The best part about getting run over by a horse on take one??? Having to do take two and "act" like your not scared it's going to happen again!

After the initial Montana shoot, I flew up by myself (without a plane or anything) to play the local news anchor. It was a blast. My shooting experience was the opposite of Bear's. I was nice and toasty, inside and even barefoot. It was the first time I was apart from River for longer than five hours. I kept having the feeling I was forgetting to do something, but after the tenth or eleventh time I got up to check on him, my brain finally figured out he was not with me and let me relax a little.

By the way, this is how Marianne and Andy looked when I left.

And this is how they looked four days later. Maria Alana Wiest, came shooting out into the world a month before her due date and the day after the movie wrapped. I guess she didn't want to miss her baby shower. Welcome sweet Maria and thank you for letting your dad finish filming the movie before you came... you know the old saying... nothing slows down production like a newborn.

Bear's Movie Trailer

2011-04-10T23:24:00.002-06:00

This is a trailer for the movie Bear filmed in Texas last August. The movie is called Seven Days in Utopia and comes out in theatres August 12th. You can bet I will be reminding you, but for now, enjoy the quick shot of the side of his head at the 1:02 mark.

Drum Roll Please

2011-04-08T20:23:00.006-06:00

Ryan Burt who said...

***I think it is awesome to use something you are passionate about to make the world a better place. I cant wait to see it. So does the winner get the movie hand delivered? My dream is to be a best selling author. I have written a couple of books so working on the dream.***

I'll admit it Ryan, when the random number generator spit out the number two, I was thinking... "he would buy it anyway", but then I thought, "which is exactly why he SHOULD win", and so I am glad you did. Thank you for always supporting me and I can't wait to read one of your books.

Thanks to everyone who entered and supported The Wylds and Treasure State on Facebook. It's so fun to be able to giveaway something I made. I'm not very crafty, so this is a rarity for me. Maybe next time, I'll pull an Oprah and secretly have copies for everyone.

A Wild Hair

2011-04-04T23:19:00.008-06:00

***If you haven't entered our giveaway for your very own copy of The Wyld's (an awesome movie starring yours truly) than please do, on the post below.***

A while back, some friends and I were discussing salons named with hair puns. We had run in to quite a few and decided the ultimate was Whoomp! Hair It Is! Sadly, I do not live by said salon, so in a valiant effort to keep River away from salons with boring names, I let his hair grow wild. Okay, it wasn't so much to save him from boring named salons, as to save his cute little curls, but try as I might, my husband thought he was in need of his first haircut.

Do you agree? Hey, it's not always this crazy. Wyoming is windy!

So on April 3, 2011, I caved and River got his first haircut.

I tried to have them just cut the top and save the precious curls in the back. I said mullets are acceptable on babies, but I was denied.

We were in Wyoming, so in true Equality State fashion, we used a Flowbee for the haircut. As 1980's as this sounds, I have to recommend it for baby cuts. No worry about scissors and babies not holding still and it cuts really evenly.

Although, River was not a fan of how loud it was.

But then his trusty thumb helped him calm down.

I have to admit, he is handsome. I miss the curls, but he developed a new swagger with his haircut and I have seen ladies swooning in every gas station from Casper, Wy to Salt Lake. I think his first haircut proved to be a sucess. Thanks Grandma!

200th Post Celebration and Giveaway!

2011-03-30T21:09:00.014-06:00

Here at Sleepy Bear's we are celebrating a few things; two hour naps, our 200th post and the pursuit of dreams. Did you know Bear and I are both actors? One of our dreams is to make a living acting in worthwhile projects that build up instead of tear down. You know... the kind of movies you watch and feel better about yourself and life in general, maybe even inspired to do great things. We were lucky enough to work on just such a project and you might just be lucky enough to win your very own copy. We are giving away a copy of The Wylds to one lucky reader, so be sure to comment on this post.

The Wylds is a family film based on the ageless story, The Pilgrim's Progress. It's a fun adventure film, with treasures to be gleamed in every scene. I realize a review from someone in the film might not be totally convincing, so I'll keep it short and just say BEAR is AWESOME. River saw it when he was 8 months old and got such a kick out of the robot, he couldn't stop giggling. The director continues to astound me with what he does on a limited budget. He's a great example of not letting restrictions on money, equipment and support stop you from dreaming big and making things happen.

We just finished working on another of his films called Treasure State. We had a blast. We want you to share in the magic, so here is all the ways you can win.

#1 For one entry, comment on this post and for fun, share a dream you have. It can be big or small. I'll be honest, most days I'm dreaming of extra sleep!

#2 For a second entry, like The Wylds on Facebook and leave a separate comment letting me know you did. http://www.facebook.com/#!/thewylds

#3 For a third entry, like Treasure State on Facebook and leave a separate comment letting me know you did. http://www.facebook.com/#!/treasurestate

You can do all or none of the entries, but if you do none of them, you won't win and that would be a tragedy... especially if you have kids. I put a link to the Facebook pages... how much easier does it get? I will do the drawing on Friday April 8th and announce the winner that day. If you don't win and want to buy your own copy, you can purchase The Wylds at most Christian bookstores or at http://thewylds.com/ or on Amazon.

Cheers to our 200th post and we can't wait to do 200 more... it shouldn't take me too long to get there, if I could ever find the time to actually write all the thoughts swimming around in my head!!!

The Journey Of A Lifetime

2011-03-16T23:11:00.005-06:00

Begins with a single step... But when to say that step occurred??? I naively assumed River would learn to stand and then a few days later, take a couple tentative steps towards me and bing, bang, boom... he would be a walker. Turns out, not so much. This little man developed quite a love for his walker. He's been cruising around with that thing for months, but take it away and he stands perfectly still. His balance is excellent, so he can stand there quite awhile, giving you sad looks, until you just feel mean for taking it away.

He did take a few independent steps on January 24th, but since then, the steps were few and far between. Begging for them didn't work. He had to be completely distracted, while in a standing position and almost not even realize he was doing it. I had a feeling, he would walk, if he had to go without his walker for any length of time, but he seemed happy and I figured no need to rush.
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This brings us to last week. We were in Montana and you better believe we brought the walker with us. However, we found ourselves on location (movie talk) without it one day (March 8th, 2011 to be exact) and wouldn't you know, this little booger looked at me from across the room and with a twinkle in his eye, marched his little booty all the way to me. He was bringing me some blocks and I guess he figured out it would be easier to walk with them, than crawl with them.

This video is from the next day. I was wondering if he would go back to the walker, but he seems content to be on his own, even if it means being slower and having way more falls. I didn't realize the pride I would feel watching him walk. To me, it borders on miraculous. Arms out in front, face serious in concentration, body clumsily waddling back and forth, breath heavy... it's an overall Frankenstein affect and I promise you, I've never seen anything more beautiful.

Who Needs Ruby Slippers

2011-02-22T07:28:00.006-07:00

That's the name of the color on my toes and right now, my toes are the only sassy thing about me. My reserves are low. Since the New Year, I've had the stomach flu twice, a double ear infection, a sinus infection and now something called c. diff that I got as a result of taking antibiotics. The cure is apparently more antibiotics, which is highly disturbing to my anti-antibiotic overuse mind, but not treating it sounds worse, so... yeah... hand em over.

During one of the few healthy weeks I've had this year, River had his first cold. The plague is among us and right now, only Bear seems to be immune. I am feeling sorry for myself over the c. diff thing. It usually only affects older people with compromised immune systems, who have been taking lots of antibiotics. I haven't taken any in five years and I was taking probiotics the whole time I was taking the antibiotics, spaced out in the proper way, so as not to cancel each other out. I guess I need to be more aggressive with the probiotics, since illnesses seem to be getting more aggressive.

The one positive thing about being sick, is you remember to appreciate how great normal feels. And another thing, I've had a few hours during all this, to reflect upon this time last year and I can honestly say, I would way rather have the stomach flu every day of the week, than post partum depression and anxiety. So there's always that thought to cheer me up. I haven't been sick in a long time, morning sickness aside, so I guess it's my turn to build up the old immune system. There's no place like health. There's no place like health. There's no place like health.

Valentine's Day

2011-02-15T23:11:00.004-07:00

River and I rocked the red... though it probably should have been a hat day for both of us.

We keep Valentine's Day simple around here, but I fear my card making skills might have reached a new low. Honestly the card looks like River made it. I was having to bat him away every five seconds, because my sharpie marker was suddenly the must have item of the year, but even still, where was I in first grade when they taught everyone how to draw a heart? By the way, take my advise and don't trace a one year old's hand or a cat's paw for any project, it will turn out bad. Good thing it is the thought that counts.

I happened to buy a rolling pin on Valentine's Day and told Bear that was his real present. Hmm??? Maybe not every thought should count... Happy Valentine's Day from the girl who once vowed never to wear pink or celebrate Valentine's Day, the guy who changed her mind and the baby and kitty who are glad she did. (Though she still prefers red.)

Milk

2011-02-11T22:29:00.003-07:00

Today is the first day River did not nurse. I gradually started weening him after the New Year. We were actually supposed to be finished on February first, but he woke up that day with his very first cold. This caused some guilt on my part, because baby's immune systems are the most susceptible the first six months after they stop nursing and I had been debating stretching it out till cold and flu season was over. Maybe I should have, but there was no going back at this point, so I decided some milk was better than none and nursed him through his cold... literally. Well, his cold lasted 11 days and unfortunately, somewhere around day 8, I caught it too. I guess there is a limit to the amount of slobbery, boogery kisses a mama can get from her sick-induced cuddle machine, before she falls prey to the germs.
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On day 10 of River's cold, it was apparent my cold was on steroids, so I made a doctor's appointment. It turns out, I have a sinus infection and a double ear infection. After tending a sick baby for over a week, I didn't have the energy to fight my infections naturally, so I accepted the antibiotics. I was okay with this, because at least I know about probiotics and rebuilding my immune system and it had been five years since I had last had antibiotics, so it's not like I overuse them, but then I took the first pill and BOOM... it occurred to me... being on the medication, I couldn't nurse River anymore. I know I had planned on ending 10 days before, but not knowing the last time was going to be the last time was a swift and sharp realization. I'll admit it, I bawled like a baby.
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I'll miss this special time I had with him. I'm not saying it wasn't difficult at times. Even with him knowing just what to do and even with my body producing plenty of milk, nursing takes a minute to figure out and with River being colicky in the beginning, I was so unsure. Was I over-feeding him and adding to his tummy-ache? Was he not getting enough milk and that's why he was so upset? How I longed for the measurability of formula.
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He was upset a lot from the colic and because he smelled milk on me when I held him, I was able to comfort him the least. I would refer to myself as the milk lady, because if it wasn't time for him to eat, it was easier on him for me not to hold him. This equals post-partum torture. He wanted to nurse, because he was in pain and nursing is comforting, but then the extra milk would upset his tummy more. Instead of peaceful, serene moments, nursing River usually involved tiny fists beating on my chest. I called doctors and midwives and la leche specialists and they all said the same thing, colic will end around 12 weeks and I needed to trust he was getting the right amount of milk and wait it out.
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Thank God it did and after that we were blessed with a years worth of those peaceful, serene nursing moments I had been envisioning while pregnant. I can see the plus side of being done. It seems as if the last ten pounds I haven't been able to lose are actually going to come off now, not to mention, freedom from the clock. Heck, maybe in a couple more months, I might even consider a scenario where I am able to spend the night away from my sweet babe. Okay, I teared up when I typed that, so maybe not. One day at a time. Anyway, even with the pluses, I am going to miss it. Nursing River has been one of the true joys of my life. I can't imagine anything more intimate and bonding and I am thankful to have had the experience. I'm glad I trusted and stuck it out. I know why some moms don't, but I'm glad I did.
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River did great. His dad was up this morning, so he didn't even notice the lack of nursing. He had his dad and a sippy cup of goats milk and life couldn't get better. The milk lady has left the building.

Beautiful

2011-02-02T22:17:00.005-07:00

In case you missed River's one year pictures or video of his first week on Facebook...

Click on the link below to see more of his pictures. Melissa did an amazing job. You can't even tell he was throwing a fit, because he wanted to walk with us and stopping to take a picture was way too much to ask. In all fairness, I realize walking must be pretty cool if you are just learning to do it, but I didn't appreciate him yelling, "Dad, Dad, DaDDDD", every time I tried to get a picture with him. Hey River, I seem to remember a day about a year ago, I went through a wee bit of pain bringing you into this world. Just saying.

http://melissasuephotography.blogspot.com/2011/02/river-photography-for-one-year-old.html

My awesome husband edited our videos from River's first week into one amazing piece of art. Well it's art to me anyway. He's wanted to do this for a year, but we didn't have a computer that could handle it. Thank goodness we do now.

Do you need a tissue. I do. Note to self, wear cuter pajamas to the hospital.... maybe ones that match.

Come On, Grab The Present And One!

2011-01-28T20:40:00.011-07:00

River celebrated his first birthday on December 31st, 2010. Family and friends braved snow storms, icy roads and "happy" New Year's Eve drivers to honor him. He wasn't entirely sure why he was getting so much attention, but he lapped up the love and a little icing too.

It took him a bit to realize it was okay to gobble the cake and when he did, he was way more interested in the frosting. Smart kid.

He may be one, but he's not too old to blow raspberries.

He's starting to figure out the concept of unwrapping presents. Big, iridescent bows help.

Wishing for??? I guess we'll have to wait and find out.

Pops and Nomee drove from Kansas City, MO. Great Aunt Connie and Great Uncle Eddie and my/your cousin Eddie came from California. Lots of Salt Lake friends showed up too. Presents, cards, emails and texts from all over came in to wish you a happy birthday. You are LOVED!

Nice... a bubble bath to end the night. You were so excited, it took awhile to fall asleep. Then you woke up, while mom was gone celebrating dad's birthday and Nomee had to do some fancy footwork to get you back to sleep. Mom, on the other hand, was so exhausted from the party planning, she was falling asleep on her feet waiting for midnight to wish your dad a happy birthday. The torch of youth has been passed.

You are a happy, smiley one year old. You aren't quite walking, but you have excellent standing balance and love to push your walker toy around. You also like to push shopping carts. You could walk, if you trusted it, but like crawling, you are taking your time. You are handling weening really well and are almost done nursing. This is a little bittersweet for mom, but so far she's only cried once. You have a constant stream of "words" coming out of your mouth. Besides mom and dad, we recognize kitty and thank you. You love dancing. Your two favorite moves are the sway side to side and the bounce up and down. Whenever the Friends theme song comes on, you stop everything to dance to it. The smile on your face is so huge. The love of Friends must be genetic. You have discovered your nostril is a perfect size resting place for your finger. Thankfully nothing is getting picked yet. You love to copy everything we do, pointing remotes at the tv, dialing phones, typing on the keyboard or reading books. We call you the Grindyloaf, which is an obscure reference to the creatures in Harry Potter that hide in the seaweed and try to pull people down to the bottom of the lake. You got this nickname, because of your tendency to always be underfoot, grabbing at our pant legs. This is especially true if we're trying to cook dinner. You've definitely developed some one year old attitude and we've experienced our first bouts of temper. It's cute, so we're trying our best to be good parents and not laugh and encourage it. You like to roll off the couch without warning and just expect us to catch you. In fact, you like anything that feels like a roller-coaster and your absolute favorite part of the day is when your dad wakes up and flies you around the house.

Here is an onslaught of videos documenting some one year old cuteness. I tried to keep them short and sweet for blog viewers. I hope you enjoy them.

(In defense of my dad, I just handed him the camera without telling him it was a video camera. We love the eye ball at the beginning. Such a classic dad move.)

Sugar Rush

River loves Noodle and Noodle is making an effort to love River too. One day.

So cute that he was singing while he danced and then clapped for his own performance.

It's so hard to catch him going all out. He always gets distracted by the camera.

We can't believe our baby is one. The first month lasted an eternity and the last eleven months went by in a blink. There is nothing we can say to sum up the amount of growing our hearts and souls have done this year as a result of loving you. Being your parents is the greatest joy of our lives. Happy Birthday our dear River!!!

Excuses

2011-01-25T00:10:00.002-07:00

Top Five Reasons River Has Been One For Three Weeks And I Haven't Done A Birthday Post:

1. I had family in town.
2. I got the stomach flu.
3. More family came into town.
4. I had to install and figure out our new computer. (Bear installed it and figuring it out is still a work in progress.)
5. Some posts are just intimidating as a result of their epicness. (You bloggers know what I mean.)

Please enjoy this small clip of my talented finger snapping baby. Watch close at the beginning. River tends to stop whatever random act of cuteness I'm trying to film as soon as the camera comes out. It took me a couple months, but I finally caught a snippet of his snapping.

Birthday post coming soon....

A Beary Special Christmas

2011-01-08T21:10:00.004-07:00

Yes... I am that cheesy... I can't help it. It was beary special. It was River's first Christmas and it was a great one.

We saw lots of beautiful lights. Most of these are from Temple Square. We went on a freezing night with Pops and Nomee. The adults thought the cold was rough and kept diving into buildings to warm up, but River loved it. He was flapping his arms and kicking his legs and laughing the whole time. One of the pictures is of an awesome house we drove by. If you look close, you can see River liked it so much, he tried to crawl right up to the front door.

Christmas Eve was so much fun. Our friend Robert Andrus took us out to dinner. We went to Red Iguana and it was delicious. I had the Christmas Enchiladas. They were pretty much normal enchiladas, but half with red chili and half with green chili. It's a fun idea to make a dish Christmasy, if you get sick of the turkey and ham. Our friend Tye bought us the muppet hats. I have to say, River makes a pretty cute Kermit. When we got home, we did our best to act out the Christmas story... and by act out I mean... I made everyone deal with the outfits until I got a halfway decent picture. Everyone, except for Noodle, who flat out refused to dress like a sheep. Then we changed River into the traditional Christmas Eve pajamas and put him to bed. I say traditional in an attempt to remind myself to do it again next year, thereby making it a tradition. We'll see.

River with all the loot on Christmas morning. Bear and I only gave him three presents, to represent the presents the wise men gave Jesus. However, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Friends and Grandparents showered him with gifts and he made out like a bandit. You can see from the picture, despite the gifts, the wii remote is getting all the love. Ya just can't win with babies.

These are more pictures from Christmas morning. I personally love him holding Kiss Kiss, as if to say, "Don't worry. I won't forget about you." Noodle even got in on the action. Everyone had a fun time. It took River a minute to get the hang of opening the presents, but once I had opened a few, he got really into the paper shredding... not so much taking the paper off the presents, as shredding the paper that was already on the ground, but as long as he was having fun. We spent Christmas night with our friends Aaron and Diane, who had prepared an awesome dinner. We do miss being with our families on Christmas, but we are never lonely and we are always fed well. We have great friends and that is the best present of all.

As Porky Pig would say, "That's all folks." We hope your Christmas was merry and bright!

Time

2010-12-31T10:50:00.000-07:00

A year swings by too fast! Happy Birthday my sweet boy. Happy New Year's everyone else... catch ya on the flip side or the back swing or 2011 if ya dig.

2010-12-24T22:35:00.003-07:00

Well it's Christmas Eve and I think I got everything done... wait... you didn't get your card yet... it's not our fault... for unto us a child was born. Unto us a son was given and unlike the little Lord Jesus, MUCH crying he made. In fact, we have been praying for a silent night ever since. Wise men brought presents and left early, so they could sleep in heavenly peace, but as we await the first Noel we celebrate with River, we look back with wondering awe and can't help but feel joyful and triumphant! Peace on earth, good will to men and glory to God on the highest. Oh and Merry Christmas from The Bears of course.

Growing Up

2010-12-16T23:14:00.005-07:00

Doesn't he look so grown up in this picture? Doesn't he look two days away from grabbing a backpack and heading off to school? I'll not have it River Lucas.
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I am not the grinch who stole Christmas, but I am the mean mom who put the Christmas tree in a cage. He has so much fun pulling himself up on the gate, I think he forgives me for the separation of tree and hand.
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I now have more years behind me than flavors of ice cream at Baskin Robbins, but who cares, because Rocky Road is the only flavor worth my time. I'm sure there is deep meaning about the journey of life in this sentence, you just have to look for it. I love my birthday, because I love being alive. So I can find happiness in it, even if I'm at a work party for a job I just got let go of and I have to stand in front of everyone and smile, while accepting a birthday card from the manager who has done her darndest to get me let go of. Harry Potter fans, when I write of this manager, please picture Delores Umbridge in your minds. Yes... she is that bad. I hate to speak ill of others, but I Must Not Tell Lies.
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Speaking of Harry Potter. I know I missed the bandwagon by ten years on this one, but I love it. Maybe you picked up on that, by all my references to wizards lately. Bear and I just listened to the whole series on tape... reading is a little harder these days.... but it was okay, because Jim Dale (narrator) is awesome. I am totally having post-book depression. Do you get that? Where you are searching for a job instead of hallows and hoarcruxes and you think BUHoring. Good thing I have a wizard baby, who helps me see the magic in everything these days.

The Nice List

2010-12-14T21:42:00.002-07:00

We we went to the ward Christmas party the other night and River got to meet Santa for the first time. He was relieved to find out that skipping naps for no good reason does not keep you off the nice list. He gave Santa a pretty searching look, but kept right on sucking his thumb and did not cry. When Santa handed him a plastic bag full of candy, he lit up like he had been handed some serious dough... more for the fun of shaking a crinkly bag, than for the candy, which Bear and I ate.

The food was delish and I'm always in a good mood when I get to eat without cooking. I had a very simple part in the Christmas play. I hadn't done any stage acting in a long time. It wasn't serious acting, just fun, but the reaction of my little boy in the audience made me feel like a super star. He was so excited to see me on stage, he was ooohing and ahhing and flapping around so loudly Bear had to take him to the very back of the hall. It took a lot of effort not to look at him, but at least the part I was doing called for a lot of smiling.

Happy Christmasing everyone. It's getting close.

11 Months Young

2010-12-05T22:15:00.009-07:00

Someone dared to call my wee babe a toddler the other day. The devil you say! I prefer hefty newborn... thank you very much. The eleventh month has been crazy! Who knew you could fill an entire day cleaning up dvds. The mess in my house in these videos could only mean one thing... Hurricane River... aka... Tidal Wave of Mass Destruction is mobile.

As of November 15th, 2010, River can crawl. He almost always mutters the entire time he crawls. I'm pretty sure he is steam powered. At first he was so slow it almost seemed like he was crawling in place, but to Noodle's dismay, he's quickly getting faster. This video was the second time he crawled.

Barely crawling and he's already trying to walk. He loves this toy, but still needs our help with it. He thinks he's So big when he uses it.

River still loves hand held transportation, especially when he can get his chase on. Thanks Big Noods for being such a good sport.

I was going through this month's pictures and discovered a well documented addiction to this hat. I can't help myself. If River is wearing this hat... I. Must. Get. Camera. Thanks Becca for the world's cutest hand me down. The hat lives on.

He has other hats too, but I prefer the snow pixie look over the gangsta my babe turns into when I put on this hat. Unless we're walking in dangerous neighborhoods. Ya better recognize!

River finally got a pair of shoes this month. He isn't the biggest fan of wearing them. We just figured they would help keep his socks on during winter. Please note cute wizard socks.

I thought our shoes looked cute lined up together. Brown anyone?
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At 11 months River is crawling, clapping, and climbing every moment he is awake. His sleeping schedule is usually 7pm-7:30 am or 7:pm-6:30 am (nurse) and then back to bed till 8:45 am. This all goes out the window when he's teething. Right now he's getting four teeth on top. The two fangs (told you he was part vampire) have cut through and the two front teeth are almost there. This means multiple extra wake-ups. I give him a few minutes and sometimes he can calm himself back to sleep, but most of the time I end up nursing him back to sleep. I know this is a no-no, but nothing else works. River has realized the extent of the power his sad face has over us and we went through a whole day of him not letting me set him down. In his defense, he is teething and in my defense... well... I'm just a sucka! He dances anytime he hears music. He stands up and sings the hymns at church and I'm pretty sure he's part wizard. He is always pointing things at me and shouting words that sound like Kissiumus. He must be a talented wizard too, because I can't stop kissing him when he does this.

River says enough of this Mamarrazi! I am having a love/hate relationship with him growing up. I love seeing his bravery, his success and the joy he gets from learning new things, but does it have to keep going by so fast? See you all too soon for the One Year Post. Crazy! Now please excuse me, I have 72 messes to clean up before I hit the sack.

And The Winner Is...

2010-11-15T22:14:00.004-07:00

Thank you! Of course I agreed with every comment you wrote, since I picked them all out. I was having the hardest time making up my mind. I had decided the tie breaker was going to be the price tag and in that case The Onesie would win, but then River took matters into his own hands. He brushed all the other boxes aside, grabbed Rudolph and wouldn't stop playing with him. Thankfully, Rudolph is the only one he can't break. Yay for sterling silver!
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In other news, there is only a month till my birthday. I still haven't made a wish list and my husband says I lose a present for every day I don't make one. I better get on it. I am already down to only 249 presents. (My count, not his.) I am on a Facebook fast, but I still log on for ten seconds everyday to see if Arika Shockmel has had her baby. 9 days late and counting. Please everyone think releasing thoughts, so Arika can finally meet here babe and I can stop cheating on my fast. I am also giving up my beloved CoCa-Cola for a month. River is almost a year old and I am still 10 lbs up on my pre-baby weight. I am going to see if soda makes the difference. I only have one a day, but who knows... nothing else is working, so fingers crossed.
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I know this is a blog, not a brag, but this is so super cool it has to be shared. My husband booked a role in a film called Darlin' Companion directed by Lawrence Kasdan. Lawrence, or Lawrie as we call him, (okay that last part is not true) wrote The Empire Strikes Back, Return of The Jedi and Raiders of the Lost Ark and directed Silverado. Needless to say, my husband is a fan of his and was excited to work with him. Now here is the cool part. After Bear finished filming, Lawrence Kasdan called the casting director to tell him how great Bear did and what a joy he was to work with. Actors never get that kind of feedback. Yes, we get to hear everyone's two cents and suffer through the hoards of cowardly online critics, but to get genuine, unprompted feedback from a member of Hollywood's elite is a pretty big deal and I am very proud of him.
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P.S. I am not just saying that to win back some of my presents.

Help Me Decide

2010-11-08T15:00:00.004-07:00

I've had a lot of weighty issues on my mind lately, what, with the election and all. Now you can help me put one of these uber important issues to rest. Which one of these lovelies should be River's first Christmas ornament? Let me know what you think and why. No thesis sentence needed and if you turn a blind eye to my punctuation errors, I'll turn a blind eye to yours. Peace.

Rudolph

Horizontal Rattle

Vertical Rattle

Carousel

Crystal Rattle

Star Onesie

Good Bye Bob

2010-10-31T21:53:00.011-06:00

It was Halloween and River's 10 month birthday on the 31st. We were returning home from a vacation to Northern California on Saturday and missed all the fun Halloween celebrations. It's okay, because being in the car for 13 hours with a baby who refuses to sleep in his car seat is totally more fun.

Gardner Village-Thanks Lynnell and Angela for sharing your pictures.

Monkey Business

I pick the Camo Pumpkin!

Pumpkin Patch and Halloween Night

The only piece of candy he got was from dad and we just let him chew on the wrapper.

I didn't want River's first Halloween to pass by unmarked, so we dressed up and went for a walk to see kids costumes. I thought there would be some trick or treaters out. Not everyone in Salt Lake is LDS and goes to a trunk or treat the day before right... wrong... there must have been a state wide memo sent out. The streets were utterly abandoned. Good thing we went to a pumpkin patch and Garner Village earlier in the month, or I would have felt shafted.

River asked me to let you know that he CAN crawl... he just doesn't feel like demonstrating yet. Apparently the more he hears about everyone's six month old that can walk, the less he feels like showing off his skills. What a booger.

He continues to talk our ears off. We love it. He totally has a sense of humor too. He knows every time I'm doing something funny and belly laughs. I truly wonder how he knows that wearing a hat that is too small is supposed to be funny. He just seems so smart to me.

I am no longer Bob. As of September 15th, River is saying Mama. For the first few days, he couldn't stop saying it. It never got old though and not to be cliche, but my heart melts every time... Well maybe not during a 3:00 am wake-up, but every other time.

On Sunday the 17th River took the Sacrament for the first time. It was unintentional. I was passing the bread to the person next to me and he grabbed a piece and popped it in his mouth. I figured he deserved the water too, for his speedy little effort. Seriously though, it has been so cute to watch him get better and better at feeding himself. I run out of ideas of things to give him, so feel free to post some.

He slept all the way through the night multiple times in a row and then I messed up everything by going on vacation again. We are getting back on track and as of last night, he went to bed at 7:00pm, woke up an hour later when he accidentally rolled on his stomach, couldn't be soothed by anything other than nursing, so after half an hour I caved. Then he went right to sleep and slept till 5:30 am, nursed again and woke up for the day at 7:30 am. Sorry for the boring details, but I really want to remember things accurately, so on round two, I keep from getting discouraged, or discouraging others.

He can snap his fingers and loves to watch himself do it. Speaking of watching himself, he loves seeing the videos I take of him and I can always get him to stop crying by showing him a picture of himself... an actor in the making???

He tries to climb everything, especially me and especially when I'm trying to feed him. It's made for some big messes, but I love to see him working so hard to accomplish things.

After about an hour of being inside, he gets fussy and we end up going on multiple walks a day. We're a little worried about Winter coming, but will most likely have to just bundle him up real tight.

He's super ticklish, especially his armpits and because he's a squeaky clean and fresh little babe, I can't get enough of them. Plus his laughter cures all things and I am completely, madly addicted. I will try to ease off, because one day he will be bigger than me and you know what they say about pay backs.

He claps block together, but has only clapped his hands together once and for the life of me, I can't get him to repeat it. He does give a cute high five though. I say cute, because what it lacks in accuracy of aim, it makes up for in enthusiasm of delivery.

His favorite activity is having his dad hold him and run around chasing things. He loved chasing all the kids in Northern California, but settles for me or Noodle here in Salt Lake. I think he feels like such a big boy and it's adorable to watch his legs kick back and forth like he's running.

The best thing about this last month was the cuddles. River is totally starting to hug me tight and lay his head down on my shoulder. These moments are precious to me. They fill up my inner cup, which was more than a little drained during the first couple colicky months of his tiny fists pounding on me as he nursed. I know it wasn't personal, but going in expecting tender, serene moments of bonding and getting screams and beatings, left me feeling very unqualified, drained and totally replaceable. Now I feel like this boy knows I am his Mom. He reaches out and strokes my hair while he nurses and if I am not paying attention, he grunts until I look at him and then smiles.

I feel the moments rolling by too quickly and the details already slipping away from my memory. Thanks for letting me share some of these moments with you. Being accountable to others on this blog is the only thing that has kept me on task. My actual mother's journal is completely empty. Good thing River likes to update as well. Happy Halloween and full speed ahead into the holiday season!

9 Months In, 9 Months Out

2010-10-18T22:19:00.011-06:00

This post is a little late in coming, because Mom just had to figure out how to do collages. Seriously Mom, isn't one picture of me enough? We don't want to send the blogosphere into sugar shock. By the way, all the fantastic pics were taken by Marianne Wiest, the rest were taken by Mom. (She tries.)

So where do I start? Now that I am 9 months and three weeks old, it's hard for me to remember clear back to when I was only 9 months. I got a second tooth. Which if you look at these bath photos close enough, you can see the nubbin just starting to pop through.

It was another birthday on the road. This time it was in Kalispell, Montana. We went to Glacier National Park and since I LOVE being outside, it was perfect. As a bonus, I hear we missed a pretty nasty heatwave. Thank goodness, because us Bears do not do well in direct sunlight.

We were visiting Andy and Marianne Wiest. Everyone was so excited, because they just found out they are having a baby. I'm hoping for a girl. (wink, wink) Mariandy, for short, have a dog Maggie. I couldn't get enough of her. She had me laughing so hard, mom had to take me away to catch my breath. I love animals. Did I mention my homegirl Brooke was there too. She always buys me the best clothes. Thank goodness my mom has friends with style... you should see some of the things she puts me in. Just kidding mom! You know I like being naked the best.

I'm getting a little more attached to my mom and dad. I give strangers the once over now before I let them hold me and I definitely want to be in eye sight of my parents. This doesn't mean I'm not social. I just prefer people my own age. These guys were all born right around my birthday. They can crawl all over the place. Not me though. I wiggle, swim in place, roll and squirm, until someone takes pity on me and gets me what I want.

The milestone I am the best at is protesting. It really is a talent. I had to learn the fine art of making all these faces and using different volumes and lengths of squeals. Good thing I learn pretty fast. I still have one wake up at night to nurse and I stay on my schedule better on vacation, then I do at home. I think all the fun people and places wear me out. Besides chocolate, my favorite thing to eat is yogurt. My favorite baby food is peaches and if I have to have a veggie, I like sweet potatoes. I also like pickles. Do those count as a veggie? Mom has this thing about me eating veggies, so I do what I can.

I hope you enjoyed hearing about month nine. I'll be back soon, ummm like in a week, to tell you all about month 10. Tune in to find out if I can crawl yet... ba, ba, bmmm!

Flashback

2010-10-08T20:30:00.011-06:00

How do I love you? Let me count the rolls.

These photos, taken by the lovely and talented Melissa Plowman (Melissa Sue Photography), are River's six month photos. Through a series of unexplained phenomena, i.e., I've been out of town a lot, I just now received these gems in the mail. I was getting ready to do River's nine month post, when it occurred to me, it would be a crime not to rewind time and share these beauties with the world and I of all things, am not a criminal. Well... let me rephrase that... You won't "catch" me breaking the law.

Are you smiling yet? I call this last photo, "If Angels Liked to Fish". Thanks Melissa. As always, I love them!

The Funeral

2010-10-05T22:43:00.002-06:00

ksl.com - Orem soldier laid to rest (Gallery Viewer)

Funerals are strange things. They have all the ingredients of a great party; old friends you haven't seen in awhile, nostalgia, photos, pomp and circumstance. The only problem is, you can't give the guest of honor a really well needed bear hug. Some things will have to wait.
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Matt's funeral was my first military funeral. I was worried I wouldn't find the building, but the hundreds of American flags not only cued me in, but also took my breath away. The Patriot Guard was there. They are a group of bikers that dedicate themselves to honor fallen servicemen and women by attending the funerals, helping in anyway they can and shielding the family from any protesters. Walking by this rag-tag, leather wearing group, I felt the spirit so strong I got goose bumps. Their love and respect for those who sacrifice their lives for freedom was a palpable thing.
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All of the many speakers echoed Matt's kindness and willingness to go above and beyond for all he came in contact with. The last speaker summed it up perfectly when he said there was no way of saying what Matt meant to him and his family in a little speech. The only way he could figure out how to honor him was by continuing his legacy of helping people without needing to be asked. Easier said than done, but I will try to do so as well.
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There is great healing power in the military rituals. The helicopter flyover, the 21 gun salute and the flag folding ceremony fill you with strength. In the end though, laughter truly is the best medicine and the most cathartic moment came when Matt's father interrupted his own speech to talk to Matt for a second, because he had just remembered to tell him Utah Sate beat BYU 31-16!!! The timing couldn't have been better for that one. Talk about your tender mercies.

Big Matt

2010-10-04T22:26:00.008-06:00

I'm sure Big Matt got his nickname because of his rather large stature. If he got his nickname because the size of his heart, he would have been Gigantic Matt or Gargantuan Matt. I'm so very sad to say, I will be attending his funeral tomorrow. He died flying a Black Hawk helicopter for the US Army in Afghanistan. It didn't surprise me Matt joined the army after college. He had an amazing habit of taking care of people. I came to know this first hand at Utah State University, where he literally picked me up and removed me from more than one bad situation. As a 17 year old, 85 pound, college freshman, I had an inflated idea of my own strength and thankfully Matt was there to be my muscle.
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I hadn't seen Matt much since our college days and was happy to reconnect with him on Facebook. His updates on how miserably hot it was there, would put into perspective my complaints about Salt Lake's summers. I knew Matt was serving in a dangerous place, but seeing him write on Facebook, made it seem like he was doing what everyone else was doing. Which is part of the reason this has been so hard to process.
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Matt was serving in the 101st Division, which has spearheaded every major conflict since WW II and was the longest serving division in Viet Nam. Matt died doing what he loved, flying, but more than that, taking care of people. You guys might not have known him, but having Matt get our back is something we all have in common.
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Till we meet again...

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/deseretnews/obituary.aspx?page=lifestory&pid=145755889