Who Needs Ruby Slippers

That's the name of the color on my toes and right now, my toes are the only sassy thing about me. My reserves are low. Since the New Year, I've had the stomach flu twice, a double ear infection, a sinus infection and now something called c. diff that I got as a result of taking antibiotics. The cure is apparently more antibiotics, which is highly disturbing to my anti-antibiotic overuse mind, but not treating it sounds worse, so... yeah... hand em over.

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During one of the few healthy weeks I've had this year, River had his first cold. The plague is among us and right now, only Bear seems to be immune. I am feeling sorry for myself over the c. diff thing. It usually only affects older people with compromised immune systems, who have been taking lots of antibiotics. I haven't taken any in five years and I was taking probiotics the whole time I was taking the antibiotics, spaced out in the proper way, so as not to cancel each other out. I guess I need to be more aggressive with the probiotics, since illnesses seem to be getting more aggressive.

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The one positive thing about being sick, is you remember to appreciate how great normal feels. And another thing, I've had a few hours during all this, to reflect upon this time last year and I can honestly say, I would way rather have the stomach flu every day of the week, than post partum depression and anxiety. So there's always that thought to cheer me up. I haven't been sick in a long time, morning sickness aside, so I guess it's my turn to build up the old immune system. There's no place like health. There's no place like health. There's no place like health.

Valentine's Day

River and I rocked the red... though it probably should have been a hat day for both of us.

We keep Valentine's Day simple around here, but I fear my card making skills might have reached a new low. Honestly the card looks like River made it. I was having to bat him away every five seconds, because my sharpie marker was suddenly the must have item of the year, but even still, where was I in first grade when they taught everyone how to draw a heart? By the way, take my advise and don't trace a one year old's hand or a cat's paw for any project, it will turn out bad. Good thing it is the thought that counts.

I happened to buy a rolling pin on Valentine's Day and told Bear that was his real present. Hmm??? Maybe not every thought should count... Happy Valentine's Day from the girl who once vowed never to wear pink or celebrate Valentine's Day, the guy who changed her mind and the baby and kitty who are glad she did. (Though she still prefers red.)

Milk

Today is the first day River did not nurse. I gradually started weening him after the New Year. We were actually supposed to be finished on February first, but he woke up that day with his very first cold. This caused some guilt on my part, because baby's immune systems are the most susceptible the first six months after they stop nursing and I had been debating stretching it out till cold and flu season was over. Maybe I should have, but there was no going back at this point, so I decided some milk was better than none and nursed him through his cold... literally. Well, his cold lasted 11 days and unfortunately, somewhere around day 8, I caught it too. I guess there is a limit to the amount of slobbery, boogery kisses a mama can get from her sick-induced cuddle machine, before she falls prey to the germs.
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On day 10 of River's cold, it was apparent my cold was on steroids, so I made a doctor's appointment. It turns out, I have a sinus infection and a double ear infection. After tending a sick baby for over a week, I didn't have the energy to fight my infections naturally, so I accepted the antibiotics. I was okay with this, because at least I know about probiotics and rebuilding my immune system and it had been five years since I had last had antibiotics, so it's not like I overuse them, but then I took the first pill and BOOM... it occurred to me... being on the medication, I couldn't nurse River anymore. I know I had planned on ending 10 days before, but not knowing the last time was going to be the last time was a swift and sharp realization. I'll admit it, I bawled like a baby.
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I'll miss this special time I had with him. I'm not saying it wasn't difficult at times. Even with him knowing just what to do and even with my body producing plenty of milk, nursing takes a minute to figure out and with River being colicky in the beginning, I was so unsure. Was I over-feeding him and adding to his tummy-ache? Was he not getting enough milk and that's why he was so upset? How I longed for the measurability of formula.
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He was upset a lot from the colic and because he smelled milk on me when I held him, I was able to comfort him the least. I would refer to myself as the milk lady, because if it wasn't time for him to eat, it was easier on him for me not to hold him. This equals post-partum torture. He wanted to nurse, because he was in pain and nursing is comforting, but then the extra milk would upset his tummy more. Instead of peaceful, serene moments, nursing River usually involved tiny fists beating on my chest. I called doctors and midwives and la leche specialists and they all said the same thing, colic will end around 12 weeks and I needed to trust he was getting the right amount of milk and wait it out.
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Thank God it did and after that we were blessed with a years worth of those peaceful, serene nursing moments I had been envisioning while pregnant. I can see the plus side of being done. It seems as if the last ten pounds I haven't been able to lose are actually going to come off now, not to mention, freedom from the clock. Heck, maybe in a couple more months, I might even consider a scenario where I am able to spend the night away from my sweet babe. Okay, I teared up when I typed that, so maybe not. One day at a time. Anyway, even with the pluses, I am going to miss it. Nursing River has been one of the true joys of my life. I can't imagine anything more intimate and bonding and I am thankful to have had the experience. I'm glad I trusted and stuck it out. I know why some moms don't, but I'm glad I did.
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River did great. His dad was up this morning, so he didn't even notice the lack of nursing. He had his dad and a sippy cup of goats milk and life couldn't get better. The milk lady has left the building.

Beautiful

In case you missed River's one year pictures or video of his first week on Facebook...



Click on the link below to see more of his pictures. Melissa did an amazing job. You can't even tell he was throwing a fit, because he wanted to walk with us and stopping to take a picture was way too much to ask. In all fairness, I realize walking must be pretty cool if you are just learning to do it, but I didn't appreciate him yelling, "Dad, Dad, DaDDDD", every time I tried to get a picture with him. Hey River, I seem to remember a day about a year ago, I went through a wee bit of pain bringing you into this world. Just saying.

http://melissasuephotography.blogspot.com/2011/02/river-photography-for-one-year-old.html

My awesome husband edited our videos from River's first week into one amazing piece of art. Well it's art to me anyway. He's wanted to do this for a year, but we didn't have a computer that could handle it. Thank goodness we do now.



Do you need a tissue. I do. Note to self, wear cuter pajamas to the hospital.... maybe ones that match.