Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Part 2 f 2

After finding out I was pregnant and taking a second dollar store test just to be sure, I debated waiting till the next day to tell Bear and doing something creative, or just calling him at work.  Patience and creativity did not win out.  I texted him the slightly blurry picture of the pregnancy test from my last post and then texted his friend at work, Brian, who actually checks his phone and asked him to have Bear check his texts.  Of course, cell phones being the way they are, the text didn't come in until after Brian told him to check his phone and Bear called in a panic to see what was wrong.  Not exactly a Hollywood moment, but we got it sorted out.  Bear was in disbelief and thought the line on the pregnancy test looked to light to be valid, but I told him I took two and then some relief kicked in, followed quickly by a dose of happiness.

I should mention my first thoughts after seeing the results of the test were, "Yes!",  "Sweet, no IUI.",  "Yay... River's not going to be an only child.", and finally "Thank you God.  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"  I was so happy and so relieved and mostly just grateful.  It is hard knowing you have more children that need to be with you, but not being entirely in control of getting them here.

With River, morning sickness kicked in with a vengeance five days after I found out I was pregnant.  This time I got my hopes up when week five passed with just a little nausea.  As week six started, I thought I was going to get away with being one of those moms that could keep the sickness at bay as long as I ate every two hours.  I made it two days into week six and that theory was blown out of the water.  The puking started and never stopped.

On top of it, this time around the the fatigue was horrible.  People would always ask me if I was exhausted when I was carrying River and friends of mine that were also pregnant would talk about how they couldn't function they were so tired.  I was tired, but it was a normal tired, so I really did't understand all the moaning and groaning.  With this baby, 7:00 at night would roll around and my brain would literally short circuit.  It didn't matter what needed to b done, or what form of chaos was going on around me, I would literally fall asleep on the couch for an hour and nothing could be done about it.  Sometimes, I would have enough energy to actually shut my eyes, but other times they would just gloss over while I went to another place.

Under these peak conditions I started a new job.  I literally prayed my way through my 4 hour shifts, which at this time were 12-4.  Unlike with River, I was blessed to have a pretty consistent afternoon reprieve and usually would make it till about 3:30 before the sickness would kick in again.  I remember sweating out that last half hour, trying to take deep slow breaths and counting down the minutes till 4:00.  More than once, I barely made it to the parking lot before puking.

The reprieve was good and bad.  On days I didn't work, I found myself trying to get everything done in a 3 hour period.  I pushed it too hard a few times and would end up sicker than ever the rest of the night.  This is also how I ended up in the emergency room 24 hours before I needed to get on a plane to Florida.  Last minute trip prep proved too much for me.  After Florida, I went into pure survival mode.  River had hot dogs everyday, the house was going to have to wait to get cleaned and I never showered and rarely soaked in a bath.  My hair did not get brushed.  I just let it dry wet and I never even really looked in a mirror.  Thank goodness my job was a phone job.

About week 16 I started coming out of the funk and by week 18 I felt pretty good.  I was sick for a slightly shorter amount of time, so that's good, but it pretty much sucked and I've given up on the pipe dream that maybe next time will be different.  Now enough about the sickness and on to the fun details and differences.

  • I could feel him move at 16 weeks... way sooner than River.
  • I can eat watermelon just fine this time, but any kind of white potato (mashed, baked, french fries, chips) made me puke.
  • Chocolate took me till week 22 to like again, but now I want it all the time,, but not nice dark chocolate... all I want is Hershey Bars???
  • I am not a sugar candy kind of person, but I find myself wanting things like hot tamales and Swedish fish.
  • This baby moves way more than River did, as demonstrated in the ultra-sound that took twice as long as River's because this baby would not stop moving to get measured.
  • I have been way more paranoid this pregnancy that something is wrong.  I didn't feel him move for about 24 hours around week 18 (which is before a lot of women feel their babies move at all) and I actually went to the doctor's about it.  *I think it is because of the 3 people I know who lost their full term babies last year.
  • Like with River, I am craving Mexican food again, but this time I can also still eat Chinese food.
  • Onions do not treat me well and I avoid them as much as possible.
  • My favorite food is spaghetti and it grosses me out right now, which makes me really sad.
  • I get bloated with this baby and one time it was so bad it felt like a super strong contraction with no release.  After about an hour of intense pain that I could barely breathe though, I had the idea to drink a soda (which causes me to burp) and pretty much reenacted the fizzy lifting scene from Willy Wonka.  Classy, I know.
  • I am more emotional with this baby.  My hormones, plus the heat, have made me a tad bit murderous on more than one occasion.  With River, I was a lot more zen like and I remember thinking, "This would normally set me off, but I'm just so happy I'm pregnant that I don't even care."  That is not happening this time... though I am really, really happy I am pregnant.
That's all the details I can think of right now.  I am so happy to be in the blissful part of pregnancy, where I am not sick and I get to feel my baby kick all the time.  It is truly a one of a kind sensation and I feel so lucky to get to feel it again.  I love having a little buddy with me all the time.  It makes work and traffic and mundane errands so much more bearable when I am getting secret little kicks along the way.  I really will miss this part (and probably only this part) of pregnancy when I am finished having kids.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Long Post Part 1 of 2

I am already guilty of second child syndrome.  You know, where you don't take as many pictures, record as many details, etc.. as you did with your first.  Luckily, I don't have far to fall, since I haven't completed River's baby book, or made a scrapbook of his first year, or pretty much any other of my well intentioned baby projects.  At least he can walk and eat with a fork... am I right?  That's not total neglect.

So, with this post, I wanted to begin to make amends with as much detail as I can remember of The Cub's pregnancy story thus far.  Don't feel like you have to read it.  I mean, The Cub is a boy, so he probably won't care either, but maybe he will, so here it goes.

We had been trying to get pregnant for a year.  I stopped nursing River in February of 2011, specifically so I could start trying for a second baby.  I didn't want to put it off any longer, just in case it took awhile again.  I was sure it would be a different experience this time, with the pressure off a little, since we already had a baby.  I underestimated how strongly I would want a sibling close in age with River and how much pressure each passing month would add, as the age gap would expand.

After a couple months of casually trying, I went to my doctor to have my progesterone levels tested, since that was the only problem from the first time around.  Everything came back normal and we kept plugging away.  (Probably not the best expression to use when you are talking about making a baby.)  Anyway, I refused to wait a year before starting clomid this time, so in June, I went back to the doctor and got a prescription.  Clomid increases your progesterone levels, which wasn't really necesary this time, since they were testing normal, but I didn't care.  Let me ovulate two eggs at once... bring it on.

Fast forward to November 2011 and I am still not pregnant.  Things are starting to get more stressful and I am starting to do the math in my head regarding my age, how long it takes me to get pregnant, how long it takes to carry a baby, how long after you have a baby before you can try for another and I am starting to really get worried.  Did I mention that every single person I know is also pregnant at this time and due in the Spring?  I decide I need to mix it up a little and I start hypno-fertility sessions.  In all honesty, they were okay.  I think energy work really depends on the ability of the practitioner and this lady was very new to it.  I did the sessions once a week for a month.  No luck.

This whole time I've been split between two opposite thoughts.  I've had a very strong prompting that I need to trust in the Lord's timing and also a strong thought that you can't just keep doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results.  Obviously one of these thoughts is faith based and the other is fear based and it really depended on the day, which thought would direct my actions/moods/life in general.

In December I decided to make an appointment at the U's Reproductive Clinic.  I had several referrals to them and as my friend said, "The U knocks me up every time."  You can't beat that, so I scheduled an appointment for the end of December and met with Dr. Hammoud.  He was pretty cool, except that he told me, "You might look young, but your eggs know your true age."  Ha, ha... rude.  He said that because our tests were all normal, we'd be great canidates for IUI (artificial insemination) which is a zillion times cheaper than invitro, but still a pretty penny at $500 per try.  We could start that next week if we wanted and I wanted to, but seperately Bear and I both were prompted to wait till March.

I thought the prompting must be because we were in the final stages of buying a house and it would definitely close by March.  I was also looking for a job at this time and it was the longest I've ever had to look for a job.  Thanks to the internet, you don't need to leave your house to apply for work, but you also can't meet people in person, negotiate hours, get a feel for if they are actively hiring or just increasing their hiring pool.  It was beyond frustrating.  I figured the stress wouldn't be good for the IUI results and that must be another reason for the prompting.

February came and I still didn't have a job and the house fell through.  I really thought it was pointless to wait  another month, but the prompting was strong and so we listened.  Meanwhile, my mother in law came to visit  and she said that my sister in law had a dream that I would get pregnant without needing IUI.  I laughed it off and sarcastically said that meant I had to get pregnant next week then.

At this time, I also started feeling like I needed to go see the Kinesiologist that I saw before I got pregnant with River.  I had seen him then, because I realized with a fiery wave of energy across my whole body, I had a lot of stored fear from the trauma of my own birth that was keeping me from getting pregnant.  (Side note: I was basically born dead with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck twice and the only sign I was alive was a slight bend in my fingers.)  Even though I can't remember it, my body can and I knew all at once that I related birth with almost dying and I needed to fix that or I would not get pregnant.  Well it worked that time and I got pregnant my very next cycle.

I hadn't gone in to see him this time, because River's birth hadn't been traumatic.  Yes, it was long and yes, it was more painful than I thought it was going to be, but it was amazing and nothing I would categorize as traumatic, so I really didn't think I had any fear leftover from his birth.  However, the prompting wouldn't go away.  I thought and I thought and sometimes I can be a little slow and then I finally remembered... the worst two months of my life.  Oh yeah... it sounds so horrible and I don't really like to say it (which is probably why it took me so long to figure out) but the first two months after River was born were the hardest of my entire life.  PPD sucked!  Big Time!  There was definitely a teeny, weeny, itsy, bitsy chance I had subconsciously stored some fear over that one.  So I made the appointment for mid February and miraculously he had a spot open up in his packed schedule.

This brings us to March.  (Insert sigh of relief here.)  I booked a commercial for Wendy's from a headshot submission I didn't even submit.  I basically got a call from my agent on Monday and she said, "You have a job on Wednesday.  It pays $500.  Can you do it?"  Um.. Yeah!  I thought it was so meant to be...  $500 out of nowhere the week before we start IUI!  It was a busy week, because I had just finished the last of three interviews for a job I had been trying really hard to get too.  They hired me and said I would be able to start in three weeks.  Sweet!  Finally money coming in, since Bear and I were about to have a lot of money going out.

I remember the day of my commercial, March 8th,  the makeup lady kept commenting how warm I was and asking me if I felt like I was getting sick.  I didn't feel sick, but I definitely felt hotter than normal.  I didn't think much about it till later that night.  It was day 26 of my cycle and after a million failed pregnancy tests, I swore I would never waste another one till I at least went past day 31.  That was before I was introduced to pregnancy tests from the dollar store.  Best thing ever.  Holla!  Anyway, Bear had just left for work and I suddenly felt like I really needed to take the test.  I didn't want to get my hopes up, because I've had that feeling before and been dashed to bits, but I made myself feel better by thinking I needed to know if I was pregnant, because I needed to finalize the IUI appointment for the next week.

Well, to make a long story slightly less long, I'll just say one word on the matter...


Saturday, July 7, 2012


Sometimes, amid the business of  barbeques and fireworks, I think we forget how truly insane/inspired our founding fathers were for declaring independence from Britain.  Courage like that needs to be celebrated!  I'm not going to write much more, because we have picture/video overload.  Just know that I get goosebumps every time I really think about the heritage of being American.  I love the whole amazing world we have been blessed with, but I love this little corner the best!!! 

River "smiling" at the church's neighborhood breakfast.  The food was awesome and we had a way bigger turnout then we have ever had before.  

 Then on to the barbeque some friends in my ward were throwing.  Had to get pictures of the amazing presentation.  I don't do party foods, so I am easily impressed.  It was almost too cute to eat.

And they rented a bounce house! With a slide!

No wonder my husband thinks being a parent is exhausting.  He's always the most popular person at the party.  The kids found out he was in a zombie movie and now they call him the zombie king.  Even the little ones go around saying, "Eat Brains."  Age appropriate... Not so sure?  Adorable... Off the charts!

Then quickly off to the last party of the night at Fia's house.  Even with the bounce house and the trampoline to tempt him away, once River found out that we were also going to Sofia's house, he was not going to waste any time getting there.

Ahhh Snakes... The least cute part of the 4th of July, but oddly fascinating.  Side note... Later that night a real snake would slither over my flip-flop clad foot and I would scream like a little girl. 

Airplane sighting... Might even be better than fireworks in River's opinion.

Awesome view of the valley and mountains from Bert and Marnie's backyard.  You almost wouldn't know we were in the city.

A little sparkler action.

River checking in with Fia to make sure she is seeing the fireworks.

Ending the night with a bang.  It might not be the biggest finale going on in the valley, but it was a crowd pleaser for this group.

Thanks to everyone that made this day possible!

Monday, July 2, 2012

20 Weeks

Ignore the unkept hair and crazy look in my eyes, because I am so happy to be rockin' a mid-riff tee shirt like the good ol' days, that I can care less my six pack abs are no longer.  Yay for the monthly belly shot and this mormon girls only chance to dress how she actually likes.  (I ain't a hater, just a girl with a very short torso, who could use some visual separation between her boobs and her hips.)  The count up is over.  Let the count down begin.