Things To Do

I have a million things to do tonight. Things that need to be done before I can go to bed and my bed is where I really want to be. I have a cold and fighting through brain fog, to accomplish my list has proved daunting. I thought if I unloaded some thoughts, maybe the fog could move a bit, allowing me to successfully check the necessary tasks at hand.

*

Thought one... I hate bras. They are uncomfortable. I have been wearing one for the past 15 years (late bloomer thank goodness) and I haven't got any more used to them. I am always delighted at the end of the day when I get to take it off and change into pj's. If I am ever up late and for whatever reason forget to shed my bra and realize it right before I go to bed, I am more than a little peeved. All that comfort time, gone to waste. I don't, however, want to be the only one with saggy boobs. *Correction "saggier boobs". Yes A cups can sag. Have a baby sometime. You'll see. Anyway, I was thinking, if we all stopped wearing bras, we'd all have saggy boobs and then no one would care. In fact, we might even start saying things like, "Oh gross. Did you see how high and firm her breasts were? How does she see around those puppies." Okay, if that didn't sell you, just think of all the money we'd save.

Thought two... Finding out you're not pregnant by starting your period, is the WORST! It's like all your hopes and dreams being dashed by bloodshed every month. I really hate the waiting, the build up, getting to day 28 and starting to get your hopes up, then... well you get the picture. They really need some kind of instant test. I really, really wanted a May baby and I had two shots. Oh well... now I really, really, really want a June baby, so fingers crossed, or heck, arms folded for us would be greatly appreciated. Oh and by the way, Yes we are trying again.

Thought three... Mentioning saggy boobs and periods in the same post, is not the best way to build my readership.

Thought four... Or is it???

For Sparta!

Remember this photo?

Well, my little Spartan has returned.

Yes... those are his dad's boxers. He likes to dress himself now and can get a little feisty with me, if I try to help. At least it wasn't time to go to church, or anything.

Nine Eleven

I hesitated writing anything about September 11th, because I thought, "What could I say, that hasn't been said." I changed my mind, because I worried if everyone thought that way, history would fade away.

I had slept in rather late the morning of September 11th. I had spent the night at my friend Brooke's house. She worked at a coffee shop and had left about 5:00am for work. I was in that midway point of consciousness and sleep, when I began dreaming of airport closures. I remember thinking it would take something pretty bad to shut down all the airports. I started waking up a little more and realized the workers painting Brooke's house (she rented a small room) were listening to a radio outside and the dj was reporting that all airports had been ordered to shut down.

Fully awake now, I sprung out of bed and ran to Brooke's tv to find out why. I couldn't get her temperamental tv to turn on and then I heard on the radio outside that the World Trade Centers had collapsed. I was more than freaking out and swearing at Brooke's tv, trying to find out what was going on. My little sister was attending NYU and her dorm was on the same block as the WTC. I had been to visit and I was picturing the collapse in my head as a gigantic building tipping over, not collapsing in. I was trying to figure out if they were tall enough to hit her building. Silly I know, but I hadn't seen the footage yet.

I still couldn't get the tv to work, so I called my mom. She answered, "Are you okay?" I said, "I don't know what's going on yet Mom. I can't get the tv to work. I know the WTCs fell down. Is Jess okay?" Never one to sugarcoat things, she said she was on the phone with Jessica, who had run to a different room in her building that faced the WTC to see what was going on, when the buildings started to collapse, she heard my sister scream and then the phone went dead. I told my mom, I was going to drive to New York (I was in SLC). She told me not to go. She said she didn't want to have two daughters there and she knew Jess would be taken care of. That's when I finally got the tv to turn on and immediately faced the image of the towers collapsing. This will always be one of the worst feelings in my life. Even having warning did not soften the blow.

I told my mom to call me as soon as she heard from Jessica. I never thought she was dead, but watching that huge plume of debris billowing through the streets and seeing people jumping out of the buildings, I was so worried about her. She seemed so young to me and she is a sensitive soul. I felt so protective of her. I thought, she is not a soldier. She should not be having to do this. I know it's pretty selfish, but until I had a bit of time to process, most of my thoughts were about her.

I called in to work and told them I couldn't come in until I heard from my sister. They understood. Thankfully, a little while later, I got a call from my sister. She had been in her pajamas when the buildings fell and not in her own room. They had to evacuate immediately. She had nothing with her, not even shoes, but in typical Jessica fashion was trying to make everyone feel better about it all. She said strangers handed her shoes. They were size 10 mens, but they helped while walking through all the debris. She said someone handed her a wet washcloth as well. She had gone to a friends dorm that was in a different part of the city and told me she was really, really okay. I didn't believe her and she joked that surviving a terrorist attack should qualify her for some cookies in the mail.

A week after the attack, school started back up. She had no books, no supplies, no clothes, no wallet, no id and a pair of size ten mens shoes. The dorm she was staying in was all of her guy friends and they let her borrow clothes. Did I mention she is only 5'2" and was swimming in everything.

I wasn't fully convinced she was okay until I was able to go out there in November. I needed to see her for myself. She was skinnier than I had ever seen her and said she had thrown up blood and black stuff for a little while after the attack... she assumed from the bad air. I wanted to go to Ground Zero, after all, it was so close to her dorm, but she really resisted going or wanting to talk about it at all. That's kind of her style. I was worried that she needed to share, because that's what I felt like doing, but decided to let it go. Now I think she probably didn't want to talk about it, because no matter what she said, I would never get what it was like to see and feel it in person.

We did go down to Ground Zero. Smoke was still billowing 2 months later and firefighters were working round the clock. I couldn't help but think of my prior visit to New York. I had wanted to go up the towers, but ran out of time and thought, "I'll do it next time." I had gotten down on the sidewalk and taken a picture straight up the side of one of the towers, but it was the last picture on the roll and it didn't turn out. I never thought I wouldn't get another chance at capturing it. It helped me a lot to go there and feel the Spirit at the site and see the heartbeat going strong in New York. I hope to go back and see the memorial one day.

That is my story, which is really her story. Whenever I think of September 11th, I will think of my favorite New Yorker and be so grateful for every day I have had with her since. My sister took part in the 2,998 project, where you write a tribute for one of the people that lost their lives that day. I included the link to her tribute below.

http://itsybitsywriter.blogspot.com/2011/09/project-2996-harry-blanding-jr-10-years.html

I also wanted to include a copy of the prayer President Hinckley said at the October 2001 General Conference for The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints. It gave me comfort then and still does now. Thanks for letting me share and gratitude and love beyond measure to all those who sacrifice on my behalf.

O God, our Eternal Father, Thou great Judge of the Nations, Thou who art the governor of the universe, Thou who art our Father and our God, whose children we are, we look to Thee in faith in this dark and solemn time. Please, dear Father, bless us with faith. Bless us with love. Bless us with charity in our hearts. Bless us with a spirit of perseverance to root out the terrible evils that are in this world. Give protection and guidance to those who are engaged actively in carrying forth the things of battle. Bless them; preserve their lives; save them from harm and evil. Hear the prayers of their loved ones for their safety. We pray for the great democracies of the earth which Thou hast overseen in creating their governments, where peace and liberty and democratic processes obtain.

O Father, look with mercy upon this, our own nation, and its friends in this time of need. Spare us and help us to walk with faith ever in Thee and ever in Thy Beloved Son, on whose mercy we count and to whom we look as our Savior and our Lord. Bless the cause of peace and bring it quickly to us again, we humbly plead with Thee, asking that Thou wilt forgive our arrogance, pass by our sins, be kind and gracious to us, and cause our hearts to turn with love toward Thee. We humbly pray in the name of Him who loves us all, even the Lord Jesus Christ, our Redeemer and our Savior, amen.

Nickel And A Dime

Where were you five years ago today?

I was getting hitched, Ranch Style, to my Soul Matey.

This is our 5 and 10 Anniversary. We got married exactly 5 years after we started dating. 5 years married, 10 years together. I have to count the first five years, because they have too many good memories and took too much work, just to drop them. I thought I'd share some fun facts about our wedding and courtship.

We were married on Bear's Aunt Jaylin's ranch in Northern California. Our friend Matthew Russell (director of Seven Days In Utopia) got certified to be a reverend on the Internet and preformed the ceremony. As you can see, I made everyone sit on hay bales. I thought it was charming. They thought it was scratchy. Our colors were yellow and green and Mother Nature cooperated with a matching back drop.

Our cake had chocolate frosting and two dancing polar "bears" as the topper. It still to this day is the best tasting wedding cake I have ever had, though it was dangerous to feed him a bite, while wearing white. I had to smash and run.

We danced like crazy. We danced on tables and closed down the party at 4:00 am, when the last of the hard core group crawled into tents, or pick-up truck beds and passed out. It will always be one of the highlights of my life.

This photo is from ten years ago. It was taken during our acting class on September 11, 2001. (Crazy enough, everyone still came to class. I think it was better than being alone.) This was the first scene we ever did together and was just two days after we started dating. The scene was from Reality Bites. I don't have many photos from then, since it was pre-digital, but weren't we sweet young things. Every anniversary I tell the same joke, because I'm cool like that. I say, Happy (fill in the number years) Anniversary... man it feels like an eternity! Well it is only partly true. This picture feels like it was taken yesterday and it feels like an eternity ago. I think all the best things in life are like that and love and sacrifice and family and dreams and everything else that makes up this marriage, definitely qualifies as a "best thing". Happy 5 and 10 Soul Matey!

Inevitable

I waited as long as I could, but 20 months is when I had to start pushing my passions on to my child. What are parents for, right?

Pretty much the only time he paid attention to his coach.

I don't remember this event.

Landing on his bum... Just like Mom.

Practicing those jumping skills. We have one foot off the ground... hoping for two very soon.

Movie Star

For those of you who aren't on Facebook and may have missed my incessant reminders about this movie: My husband, Robert Bear, aka Chuck, aka the cute cowboy with the long hair (pictured below on the right), is in a movie called Seven Days In Utopia. This movie is a rare gem in Hollywood. It has great stars, great story, great acting. It is uplifting and inspirational and you can watch it with your grandma, without ever having to shift uncomfortably in your seat. We would be honored and delighted if you would go see it. Then, if you like it (which you will), please tell your friends and family about it. The promotional budget on this film is super small, so we are relying on word of mouth. I've been told that if anything is of good report or praise-worthy to seek after it and this movie falls in that category.

*

I wanted to share some of Bear's pictures with you from filming last August in Utopia, Texas.

Brian Geraghty (The Hurt Locker), Josh Painting and Robert Bear

Lucas Black (Friday Night Lights, All The Pretty Horses, Sling Blade... too many great ones to list), Robert Bear and Brian Geraghty

Lucas Black, Robert Duvall (if you need me to list his credits, you need to watch more movies) and Matthew Russell who not only directed this movie, but also was the reverend at my wedding. True Story.

Robert Bear and Brian Geraghty on horseback in Texas... does it get any better?

*

Here is a few pictures of the premiere party we had last Saturday.

*

This is my sorry attempt at Oreo Truffles. In my head they were going to look like golf balls with SFT (See it, Feel it, Trust it) written on them. The upside is they still tasted great!

Bear getting in a few autographs.

Bear and his amazing cousins, who drove 13 hours to surprise us and see the movie with us. We had no clue! It seriously made the weekend so special. Thanks again guys.

Me and the Movie Star. Hubba, hubba!

This is the whole group that came out on Saturday. You Rock!

*

We feel the love everyone. Thanks for supporting us. See the film and let us know what you think. If you are in Salt Lake, I'll even come watch your kids while you are at the movie. Here is a link to a list of theatres it is playing in and Here is a link to the trailer.

*

P.S. I am so proud of you babe and you look hot in Wranglers!