Friday, November 18, 2011

The Score Card

Still not pregnant.  Oh, and I wasn't pregnant last month either.  Funny how that works.  In fact, if you want to run the numbers on round two, here you go: Months of Trying-10, Babies-0, Nausea-Increasing, Hair-Falling Out, Clomid Cycles Left Before a Mandatory Break-1, Number of Pregnant Friends Due In The Spring-7, Average Number of Months it Took Them To Get Pregnant-2.

It's funny how each month my reactions to finding out I'm not pregnant vary so widely.  Last month I was sad, soooo sad.  Deep down, aching sad and worried about River not having a sibling and missing my babies that I feel like I already know sad, sad, sad.  This month I'm just annoyed.  Like, for reals, there's not a better way than sperm blindly fighting their way through thick cervical mucus, to find an egg that may or may not be there, according to a balance of hormones so easily affected by so many different things, all in a 24-48 hour window, once a month.  I mean how, HOW are any of us here right now?

Don't worry.  I'm still mostly positive and glad the score card reads Months of Trying and not Years of Trying.  I just had so many people tell me that they had a hard time getting pregnant the first time around and then it was so easy after that.  I bought into it hook, line and sinker.  Why would I be any different?  Especially since the problem from last time resolved itself.  Since this is my last cycle of clomid, I might have to pull out all the stops and read the Twilight series again.  It worked last time, so why not?  Anybody have some books I can borrow?  I may (most likely not) name the baby after you.


Kelly K. said...

I can relate. Only I don't have near as much of a right to feel frustrated as you do. We had no trouble getting pregnant the first time, so I just assumed it would be just as quick the second time around. That is proving not to be the case and it's hard not to worry more and more with each failed month. And it DOES seem like everyone I know around me is pregnant, and it happened so quick for them. I hate to be a jealous person, but I find myself going there. I get scared knowing they won't even take a look at me until I have failed for an entire year. I am trying to trust that God has a plan better than the one I had for myself and that it will all work out SOON. I pray it does for you too! I think we would be good friends if we lived in the same state. Glad to know you over the internet though. :) Sending good baby wishes your way!!!

Candice said...

Amen. I did not realize that there was supposed to be a mandatory clomid break. I think I might die early from clomid overdose.

Alisha said...

I hear ya, only 3 years here.
I was about to say you should read Hunger Games (I am SO excited for the movie!!) but I remember your post about River gathering them every day.