Monday, January 25, 2010

Wow!

It would be an understatement to say the last couple of days have rocked my world. I kept waiting to feel better or for things to get easier and instead they kept getting harder. Well, things actually stayed about the same level of hardness, but my ability to cope with them was going down hill fast. Lack of sleep was a problem, but more than that was a terrible case of anxiety that kept me from sleeping, even when my baby was sleeping and tears that were flowing almost non-stop. I don't know if my hormone issues have been this severe, because I had to take hormones to get pregnant, or if I'm just one of the unlucky ones and this comes with new mom territory. The good thing is I have had tons of support; phone calls, text messages and emails from friends and family, well wishers on my blog and helpful visitors. Since I can't pack up all my friends and family and live together in a bubble world, this will have to do. I really think motherhood is supposed to be done the Native American way, with an entire tribe helping look after the new mom and baby. Here's to hoping I achieve some balance and sleep soon. I want to get back to enjoying my baby full time like I did the first few days after he was born. He deserves it and I deserve it and believe me... my husband deserves it.

5 comments:

Candice said...

I love the tribe idea. Oh, how I wish that my family lived closer. I remember the hormone issue well, and all of the tears. They will pass. Life is really good, it is just hard to feel that way.

By the way, I cannot remember if I commented on your birth story, but you are a strong woman. I loved it. I cannot believe that you did it naturally, with such a long labor on so little sleep. I loved the first look at the baby picture. I also think that your little one is stunning. Babies are not supposed to be THAT beautiful. Great work.

Kelly said...

Don't be afraid to talk to your doctor about taking something for post partum depression...honestly it does not mean you are weak. LOTS of people are helped by taking something to get through those first few months, even year. It helped me, and I know a lot of others it has helped too. Getting back to feeling like yourself will make you an even better mom. Hang in there. :)

Scott and Stacia said...

Hang in there! It will get better!! For me it was once I was able to get more sleep. Try to have some alone time, reading a book or going on a small walk. We will be praying for you!

Jen said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. It wasn't so much depression as crippling, unreasonable anxiety. My big problem was that I didn't have any problem after Davy and was quite literally paralyzed after Jon. I kept waiting for it to get better and it didn't until I started taking Celexa. I was on it for 6 months and then was fine. Same thing happened after Speed was born only this time I went on it within two weeks of him being born. What a HUGE difference it makes. It doesn't change your personality, it just makes it so you can deal with things as they really are instead of how you perceive them to be. Don't feel like you have to wait this out. There are too many options out there to spend even one more day feeling crappy. I wish I would have done it sooner with Jon rather than thinking it would just go away.

Heidi said...

Why does it have to be so hard?!? I remember after I had Dallin everyone kept saying, "Oh you must be just so happy!" or "Aren't you just loving every minute?" And I would force a smile and nod and then go cry some more in my room. And by the time we had Abigail, I knew enough to warn people close to me that I was going to be a little weird for a while and not to be alarmed if I started crying for no apparent reason. Those hormones are serious business! I am so sorry you are dealing with all that.

So I know advice sometimes annoyed me, but since you asked, here's my two cents: refuse to let yourself feel guilty about anything -- don't apologize for your emotions or whatever stupid housework isn't done or anything like that. And don't feel bad that things are hard. I made my life way worse feeling guilty that I was having a hard time. Just enjoy the enjoyable moments and get through the hard moments. And I am sure you will -- you are one tough girl! =)