Sunday, March 23, 2008

WANTED

CRIMINAL ACT
I was jolted from my slumber early this morning. There was rustling in the kitchen and music from the "Village People" playing in the background. Imagine the electricity of fear that spread throughout my body. I grabbed my .22 caliber pistol. I suddenly realized the song playing was "YMCA". So I upgraded to a shotgun, this was no ordinary thief. I grabbed my camera so I could get a picture of this lunatic. I jumped around the corner. Shotgun and camera in hand. But alas, "YMCA" hit its chorus. I shuttered in fear. "Y", yes why indeed! I froze in shear panic, but managed to capture a photo of Twinkle Toes. This is the only picture I have of this "Fairy Footed Thief". He managed to steal a pair of my wifes underwear and an apple fritter (see picture) If anyone has any information please let us know.

12 comments:

jessica said...

Hey! Those are the apple fritters I eat when I come visit you guys!

This fleet-footed fairy has just taken away one of my excuses for visiting you folks in the SLC.

Soon as I catch him he's going to be making me mayonnaise sandwiches all day long!

Courtney said...

Oh my gosh I think I just saw that fairy footed thief running down the road towards Flournoy wearing only ladies underwear (which are probably the ones he stole from your wife)and though he wasn't singing the YMCA song he was singing I TOUCH MYSELF!! Wow could it be the same guy!!hee hee hee

See ya guys

Courtney

Maura said...

Twinkle Toes has hit again ... Here's what happened. I was awakened also during the night by a loud thud and thought - Could this be the Fairy Footed Thief??? I quietly walked down my hallway to see what it was. I peeked into my bathroom only to find Twinkle Toes going through my laundry. I stood there not sure what to do. He didn't see me. Twinkle Toes smiled widely with a sparkle in his eye like He'd struck gold. To my surprise he pulled out my husband's underwear. He began to walk away when I told him to stop & drop the undies. He began to run but I tackled him. Twinkle Toes began to weep. Why?? I asked him. He began to weep louder. I grabbed the underwear and put them to his nose. "Is this Why" I said. No, No he said - I am working for the Fart Sniffer a.k.a. Bear. I released Twinkle Toes telling him to let Fart Sniffer know we will find him. I don't think this will be the end of Twinkle Toes & Fart Sniffers underwear raids - So PLEASE EVERYONE - BEWARE!!! of the Underwear Bandids and keep your Undies locked away tight.

Mr. Hollywood said...

WARNING The Fairy Footed thief and Fart Sniffer have been sighted on Broke Back Mountain! Reports say they were seen naked wearing nothing but old mens tighty-whities backwards over their heads. They were shouting, Michael Jacksons song 'Beat It'. To help you identify Fart Sniffer, some distinguishing markings are a tattoo on his lower back of the saying 'Holster' with an arrow pointing down. Consider these two men short in stature and hanging to the left. Righties beware!!!!

mom said...

Noooooooooo.....not my family..say it's not soooooo. What a bunch of sicko's. It looks to me like they take after there aunt, and mother...shawnbug
except Jessica (run little lady run)

Hugs and squeezes

Anonymous said...

Oh My Gosh - What can I say. First I was in shock when I saw the Wanted Poster with that familiar face looking right back at me. What horror to find out that sweet little boy we raised ended up on a wanted poster. I just knew though that someone else would have had to have a hand in this whole corrupt episode. I remember many a night when Fartsniffer was little and he did like those little silk undies and if my big sister would have been able to control his underwear fetish then my little angel might not have been drawn into this horrible ordeal. My, my what are Moms to do??? Personally I think that there is more people involved in this than those two. I can think of a few other family members like their brothers, cousin and most of all their Uncle Spike. He probably started the whole thing. Pervert.

mom said...

Spike the pervert!!! Yes I think I would have to agree but since 2 of his sisters probably are the ones that made him that way and are just as bad as he is no one can blame him. Many a time I have had my hair straightened by comments from my 2 little sisters and there children. I finally fled the state of California trying to save my children from this bunch....whoa to me. My youngest has armed himself...it maybe too late for the 2 oldest. They did not realize what was happening to them and would continue to visit. I tried to warn them, but to no avail. Twinkle Toes has sneaked in stealing of all things apple fritters...Jessica's applefritters....my poor wonderful sons...whoa is me!!

Mr.Hollywood said...

nucle spike yes tihs man is the one to blam.I remember a scean from my youth of dear old spike taking his undes off and putting them on fart sniffer's & the fariy footed theif head and yelling smell the goodnes.the flod gates have opened make the images stop.please

Anonymous said...

That one sister from Wyoming didn't go there by choice - She was chased from Calif. by her two beautiful younger sisters to save their children from the mental & perverted corruption of the OLDER-NOTICE OLDER sister, who bought her son silk undies because she thought it was cute, which started the perversion of Fart Sniffer who in turn led the rest of the family down the wrong path. Twinkle Toes - We saw what happened to him, Andredi aka Skids - who enjoys his own underwear too much to steal anyone elses, Streak - who still runs down Motel Hallways & Cruise Ships naked in search of underwear, Mr. Hollywood - who was the stunt double for most of the parts in the movie Brokeback Mt. & Kinseth Jr. who stays in Wyoming with all his armory to protect his own collection of underwear. I guess Wyoming wasn't far enough. We should have chased her all the way to Timbuktu. FYI - Uncle Spike still contributed a major portion of his nephew's all going off the deep end because of the influence of his corrupt evil OLDER sister in Wyoming.

Anonymous said...

you basterds all need help

Anonymous said...

I would like to remain anonymous in giving inside iformation about he who shall not be named, for I fear he will steal my last apple fritter that I have hidden in my last pair of underwear. I have witnessed this "Fairy Footed Thief" often with his accomplices, Streak (who is sometimes mistaken for Twinkle Toes but is not as handsom), Mr. Hollywood who reminds me of the "Hammy and his boomerang adventure" from Over The Hedge. Anyone who has seen him play ball will no what I'm taking about. Then there is Fart Sniffer, I don't see him as much as the others but when I do he never has a loss of words and people are always laughing with him. I think he sits around in his little fart box and thinks of storys to share and he can't write the story's for us to read because of his disability (Southpaw Syndrome) Let's not forget about his brothers Skids and Kinseth Jr. they got pulled down the wrong path by their fart sniffing brother just because they are related. If you want to find this gang of apple fritter stealing, ladies undie wearing, hotel and cruise ship streaking, energetic, fart toking, Andredi skid mark making, Kensith look alike then read the following carfully. When they are together they tend to gather shirtless around a big bon-fire drinking mass quantities of beer making pee rings and planning their next big hit. If you happen to pass gas and you are sniffed out do not be alarmed they will not leave the fire or the beer until gone. Just back away slowly gripping your underwear tight and do not leave any tracks or you will be the next victim.

mom said...

I have found that freezing and not making a move is the best advice I can give. It works the majority of the time. You also must remain very quiet, they are more apt to zero in on noise makers!!!This comes from experience. AND...at my age gripping my underwear tightly doesn't help anymore...sigh..sigh thats why I try to avoid the younger members of the family now
Hugs and squeezes ya all